Adoption is a Promise of Forever

Meet Monty; he is named after Tavares Montgomery (Monty) Williams, Jr., a former NBA player and current head coach of the New Orleans Pelicans.  I received Monty as a birthday gift from my sister when I was in high school; this was about a year after our cat Sandy ran off before a snow storm.  I had found Sandy as a stray at our old house, so she was an indoor/outdoor cat.

Monty is now 18.5 years old (91 in human years), and he's been mine for over half my life.  Adoption is a promise of forever...a lifetime commitment.  Trust me when I say that there are days I want to give up on him as he ages, but I remember plenty of his quirky personality characteristics that make me smile and make me a proud momma.  As a kitten, his favorite game was fetch down the stairs or taking a walk on his leash and to this day, his favorite snack is plastic bags (not that I encourage this behavior).  I found out later that some chemicals or oils used in manufacturing plastic bags resemble catnip, but he probably does have the disorder pica and was genetically predisposed to this condition since he is part Siamese.  (I know, he doesn't look Siamese, but the crook in his tail gave it away!) 

Lately, with my new job having me travel more, I feel guilty that he's alone so much.  I've been debating about getting a dog so that he has somebody, but also so that I get out of the house and walk more.  I even visited a few dogs at one location.  During this process, I have read one too many times in which animals have been either owner-surrendered or owner-abandoned.  Both of these have prompted me to write this blog, especially since I believe adoption is a promise and a commitment to forever.  I will not deny the fact that my parents helped me by taking care of Monty the years I was in college, but they made it clear from the beginning that he was my cat and my responsibility.

I consider an owner-surrendered animal to be one in which the owner could either no longer care for it appropriately or the owner, through no fault of their own, had to get rid of the animal.  I appreciate that these owners want to do what is best for their pets, but I wish they would try to rehome their pet themselves either through a rehoming program or using their networks.  My sister rehomed one of her cats to a family friend and that gave them the ability to follow-up with my sister about anything that may have come up in the first few months.  In the local area, Austin Pets Alive! has a rehoming program.  Shelters can stress out an animal very easily, and let's not forget that there are still many shelters who euthanize animals when there isn't room.

An owner-abandoned animal, in my opinion, is one in which the owner moves and abandons the animal on the current property thus forcing the animal to become a stray.  I have seen this most frequently with cats, but it seems that this is now occurring more frequently with dogs too.  These animals are left to fend for themselves on the streets.  I have a hard time forgiving the owners who do this to an animal.  At the very least, surrender the animal to the shelter.

Since I'm not sure I want another 18+ year commitment, I have decided that if I was going to adopt either a cat or a dog, it will not be a young one.  While older ones may have some behavioral issues that need to be addressed due to being left at the shelter or abandoned, I rather make the shorter commitment.  The other thing that I've been thinking about is fostering animals for a bit.  This way, I'm saving another life at a shelter that still uses euthanasia as a means to fix the problem and not making a lifelong commitment to an animal.  Our neighborhood has adopted a stray cat, socialized and fixed a feral cat, and are working on capturing another feral to have him fixed as well. 

Animal owners need to realize that they have committed to taking care of their pets for the duration of their lives.  I never imagined Monty would live this long, but he has brought me a lot of joy throughout the years and I wouldn't trade that in heartbeat.

I will never be a Republican...

I am quite disappointed in our state legislators.  Actually, I am quite infuriated.  As women, we need to stand up for ourselves and stop legislators who believe we're too stupid, as a gender, to make decisions for ourselves, for our bodies, and for our unborn children/fetuses (depending on your point of view).

Here are two examples, and from the SAME state legislator who happens to be a woman!

“'I am proud of the step we’ve taken to protect both babies and women. I think it speaks volumes about who we are as humanity,' Laubenberg said."  (Associated Press, July 10, 2013) 

"During a House debate on an appropriations bill that year [2007], Laubenberg, a staunch conservative, put forward an amendment that would require expectant mothers to wait three months before they could begin receiving prenatal and perinatal care under the Children's Health Insurance Program, or CHIP, a program that helps cover uninsured children in low-income families."  (Huffington Post, July 9, 2013)

Do you truly believe you are protecting women?  From what?  Their own decisions?  In 2007, you wanted to withhold healthcare since unborn children are "not children," but now you want to protect them as children.  The irony.  Do you know what would protect women even more so?  Expand Medicaid.  And seeing that women still make about 81 cents to every dollar a man makes (unadjusted), how about you fight for some gender equity in the workforce?  Those are two things that would improve women's lifestyles and improve the lives of their children.

The one thing I do believe is that this law is only going to pass to prove a shoddy Republican point as they run for the Whitehouse in a couple of years.  Perry is not running for governor, so I'm pretty sure he'd use this as leverage if he chooses to run for president again.  Newsflash.  Young people like me are still voting and I will do everything in my power to see the BEST candidate win whether he/she be Democrat, Republican, or Independent, but the way the Republicans have been acting these past five years...you can tell how I lean, especially as a public health worker.

Our legislators desperately need to learn how to work together, something they preach but don't do.  It's all about "being right" rather than digesting the information that they receive.  I think the two parties need a mediation session.  At least Texas isn't afraid of a fight.  North Carolina hid their abortion bill in a motorcycle safety bill; thankfully their governor will be vetoing the abortion legislation.  People scream at how our health care system needs to be changed, but I think our legislative arm of government needs a complete rework even more. 

So my final comments on this posting.  Personally, I could never go through with an abortion, but that does not mean I have the right to strip another woman of her rights to make choices because in the end, she's the one who is going to have to stand before God and be judged for her decisions.

Time...

I wish I had more time.  I swear leap year should be a holiday; a holiday to just catch up on unfinished business.  I cannot wait until the summer; maybe I'll relax by then.  I just wish I had more time to cook, clean, and garden.  I miss my garden.

Work:  34 hours per week
School:  10 hours of doctoral classes per week
Homework:  40 hours per week (technically)
Commute Time:  5-7.5 hours per week (depends on traffic)
Total:  89-91.5 hours per week

We have 168 hours per week, and I spend 89 hours between work and school; that leaves 79 hours for sleeping, eating, showering, working out, church, and anything fun.  So if I get six hours of sleep per night, that leaves 19 hours for the remainder of items.  No wonder why I'm stressed out.  No wonder why friends have dropped me.  I do have to say, though, I know who my friends are during this stressful time.  I know who I can rely on for this really crazy year in which I decided to do 10 credit hours each semester so I'm not in school forever and my life can start moving forward.  Five more weeks...just five more weeks and all I have to do is pass.  Okay, maybe I should say six more weeks if you include my qualifying exam.  I'm so glad I'm starting yoga next week; I hear it does wonders in reducing stress.

I was a crazy genius at one point...

I was a crazy genius at one point in my life; I'd say it was about two years during the period that I was losing the most weight.  How could I have forgotten such simplistic rules I created to help overcome certain lethargic ways?  On my way into work, I could not help but recollect the ways I used to maneuver to trick myself into doing things that I just didn't like to do.  I'm talking about things I loathe doing - revolving stairs, running, jumping jacks, sweating, eating greens, making protein shakes, etc.  Some of those things I hated because they were just difficult and made my muscles sore, while others made me envious.  I am quite sure that does not make any sense, but let me try and explain.  This fat woman, being me, envies those who can just run.  I have so many stressful days in which I just want to go outside and run out all the emotional and physical pain, but I cannot do so because of my weight.  Many people do not understand this about fat people; we want to do things, but we are trapped in pounds and pounds of fat.  This envy sometimes turns into fear (of failure) or hate (the easiest form envy can take) or self-defamation (so easy to be negative when everybody else is), and you have nowhere to hide because it is in your head just screaming to get out.  All I want to do is run and leave the world behind sometimes when it gets this crazy, but I cannot because of the years of neglect.  Walking just is not enough.  And what is worse, to be completely and utterly honest to all you strangers reading this blog, is when I am on a trail doing interval training or walking and I get encouraged by a stranger.  I know everybody is different, but I despise this because you do not know me, you do not know what I have been through, and you have no right to assume that I am going to fail again.  The only people I want encouraging me is my close network of friends that I truly value, and I hope they know I love them and value them.

I am going to get of my soap box to get back to the point of this post.  Matt (my previous trainer) always said, "You think too much.  Just do it."  The weight loss has always been a mental game, and I was winning at one point!  What changed and how do I go back!?!?!?!?!  Well first, I need to wake up the sun, so I need to back to tricking my body that the sun is up when my alarm goes off.  I used to do this with a timer on my nightstand light, but now that my outlets are covered, I need to get me one of these sunrise alarm clocks.  Second, since school and work puts me working strange hours, I need to bring my gym bag up to the office space with me and change before I leave the office.  The chances are, if I am dressed to go to the gym, I will go to the gym.  Lastly, my new trainer is all about measure progress, so hopefully if I continue to do those things I hate at the gym, these exercises will get easier and before I know it, maybe I will like them.  All you need is a little bit of hope.

A Worrying Fool

I'm a natural over-thinker and worrier.  I worry about day-to-day items.  I worry about the future.  I worry about the past.  I worry about the decisions I need to make and how those decisions will affect my life FOREVER.  Over-thinking will ruin things.  It will consume you and will make you miss out on what's happening in the present.  I try not to over-think when it comes to being healthy, but I can't help but do so.  Will my friends still accept me if I physically change?  Will my personality change?  Will I become more egotistical and more me-focused rather than others-focused?  Over-thinking has always been my downfall, but I have yet to come up with a solution.  Any thoughts from my readers?

It's been awhile...

I know I haven't posted since May, but I suppose you can say life happened.  I've taken seven classes for my doctorate degree and will be enrolled for another three this spring.  The spring will be my last crazy busy semester.

I could make every excuse in the book for falling off the bandwagon this past 1-2 years in my weight loss journey.  (Actually, upon editing this post, I find it funny that I call it a weight loss journey and not a lifestyle change becuase it really needs to be a lifestyle change; a change in how my mind works and functions as it relates to food and exercise.)  I could blame it on school (started Fall 2010) and working full time, or my move to a house 14 miles farther from work (December 2009), or my failure in running a half marathon (February 2011), or my new-ish relationship (September 2010), or my volunteer work, or just the everyday preoccupation of my mind.  The fact is, I will be asked hard questions in a couple of weeks by my new trainer and I don't know if I have any answers.  My current trainer is moving his career forward and is becoming a firefighter.  I wish him the best, of course, since it's a pretty sweet gig and great for his family.  I think, though, as a friend, he may have let me slide in accountability a little.  A new trainer could (and will) be a good thing, but it also has to be the right trainer because Matt was the right trainer for me at the time I needed him.  With his guidance next week, we will discuss who may take over that role.  It's funny.  I used to always pick up and leave when things were progressing to "comfortable," but I'm afraid of the accountability, something I should have been doing every single day.  I suppose it's best to face it now rather than in my coffin.  I used to run from feelings and getting close to people, but now change (and a change of scenery) kind of scares me.  Am I growing up?  Or am I just not challenging myself enough? 

My best friend would say that I'm settling, that I see life for me as "good enough" and it's my fear of taking chances, or perhaps that I'm not afraid of failing but I'm even more afraid of succeeding.  I have to agree that my half marathon failure was probably the item that hit me hardest, and sometiems I feel that when I fail, I might as well fail the best way I know how - completely.  My best friend could possibly even call me a coward for not moving life forward; we can be brutal like that. 

What I do know is that I'm going to miss my brother (my current trainer).  I am determined that the two and half years that we spent together was not for nothing; in other words, it was for something.  Matt (my current trainer) probably knows more about me and what I have been through than anybody else, and he's completely right when he says that I think too much and that's the interference that has caused a reversal in my weight loss progression.  He and I discussed a few months ago the idea of switching trainers to get out of my stalemate because he wanted me to keep progressing.  Now, through fate alone, I have that chance and I'm going to take it.  Perfect timing for a new year's resolution, eh?

I'm my worst enemy...

I'm my worst enemy. I'm self-defeating. I set myself up for failure. But I blame everyone else for my failure. I make any excuse I can to do/not do x, y, and z. I want things now, not later. If I don't get it now, I'm not patient enough to wait. I wear my heart of my sleeve. I get crushed emotionally and mentally all the time. I secretly despise beautiful people. Okay, maybe it's not so secret anymore. I can't take compliments because I feel I can always be better and do better. I will never be completely satisfied with myself. There are very few things I want out of life, and I'm afraid a few of them will never happen the older I get. I wish more people could look past my faults. Just maybe I don't deserve to be loved because I constantly disappoint them. I hate routine. But maybe that's what I need most. I'm not looking for pity...I'm just beating myself up right now. I wish I could re-live most of my life; I'd do a thousand things differently. I guess I shouldn't live in the past.

Am I really happy?

I thought I had it all the past few months. I had a reliable relationship with a fantastic guy who lived 900ish miles from me. People in high places have been acknowledging my work. I have great friends and an active life - volunteering and being outdoorsy. Who really would want anything more? Why would I need to lose more weight when I was comfortable in my own skin?

Then, I did what I always did. I relied on other people for my happiness. I volunteer because I like to see people's joy in what I do...it makes me happy. My boyfriend DID make me happy, but then things took a turn for the worse, and that's when I felt my life was crumbling - I relied too much on him. I dived into my work further, just to get pleasure from people's compliments. I put too much of my happiness based on other people and not on myself. While I still exuded confidence superficially, deep down I was not confident in anything about me.

The more I worked out the past couple of weeks, the more I have felt confident in myself. I've taken a few day trips in the area by myself and have been finding comfort in my own skin. I still realize I don't know how to balance my love and happiness to help others with keeping my confidence in myself. Will I always go through these crazy cycles time and time again?

At the end of the day, I am with myself. I can only rely on myself. I need to stop focusing my attention on others and occasionally I can be stingy and demand others to focus their attention on me as well. I don't always have to be the giver.

What gives...

I'm still slightly frustrated with something that occurred a couple of days ago. I was in San Diego for work, and three out of the five days, I went for a run in the morning along the bay. It's a rather nice run, to be honest, and would recommend it to anybody who's going to be in downtown San Diego. Anyway, while on this run, I pass an older guy, probably in his 40's, and he exclaims, "Way to go!" ... Way to go? Say what? A fat person can't be up that early in the morning for a jog? I'm not sure why this simple statement has bothered me so much... Maybe it's because I'm jogging a mile regularly and slowly increasing it to two miles this month. Maybe I'm pissed off because I've seen some great changes in myself lately...maybe not weight-wise (still not losing the weight I gained over my Hawaii trip), but I feel like I'm making great strides physically.

I ask myself if I'd be just as pissed off if it came from a fat person like myself; the answer would be no. I felt like he was judging, not encouraging, and he had no place to do so.

That's my vent for the week.

Walking on a Tight Rope

Most tight rope walkers have a net below them just in case they fall; I'm not sure if mine has one installed yet or not. I have been tip-toeing along this line for too many months, and I think I have gained my balance again, finally. Just because I didn't plunge to my death at any point these past five or six months, it doesn't mean I didn't get hurt along the way.

So where am I going with this post? I have no idea. I'm just going to let my thoughts and feelings flow at this time and let them be.

I met an incredible guy this past week and we went out on Friday for sushi. He didn't want to flake out on me, so he drove up from San Antonio for a two hour dinner just to turn around and go back to San Antonio, talk about sweet. This guy, I have always felt since we met, is way out of my league: funny, sweet, gentle, genuine, kind, open, and completely gorgeous (he was a model and had acting parts on TV shows). He is the epitome of what I desire in a guy, but I doubt I am what he's looking for...physically anyway. This is the second guy in six months in which I have wow-ed by my personality, but they cannot help but see the fat me; it just hurts, especially since I've lost so much weight already. I just want to find a guy who is willing to transform with me. What even hurts more is that I'm still friends with the first guy, and who knows if I'll be friends with this second one. I guess friends is better than nothing, right?

It hurts so much that I almost gave up on humanity, and in doing so, I almost gave up on myself. Saturday, I nearly skipped out on the gym and re-entered my old destructive behavior patterns of binge eating. If I'm not going to be liked now, why bother doing what I've been doing? So yes, I probably did eat a little more than expected, but overall, I stayed on my tight rope. I feel like I can say I broke away from my emotional eating habits this weekend. Yes, I was hurt (and who knows, maybe he will call), but I didn't turn to food in the process. Talk about a Non-Scale Victory.

Anyway, you'll be seeing more of me in the upcoming days and weeks. I'm beginning to re-focus my energy on me and I'm going to start making the guys do a little work to get to know me. I'm worth more than what guys have been giving me, much more.

The Difference Between Co-Dependence and Reliability

Today as I swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat and fought the tears, I couldn't help but think about the transitions that have been occurring in my life. I have always been a very independent woman, and I have always hated relying on other people because I had these high expectations. Slowly, these barriers have been broken since I moved to Austin, and I actually do not mind relying on the friends I have established. But today, after being severely disappointed by the one person I have always trusted and relied on, I realized that I didn't just rely on him, but I was nearly being co-dependent. Me? Co-dependent? What? This is truly uncharted territory for me.

I broke into tears this morning not because I was upset with him (technically I was...but let's look at the bigger picture), but because I feel like I've been trying so hard and I'm still stuck at this same dang weight. Trying and doing, though, are two separate things. "I tried my best" and "I did my best" are very different. Trying is almost like saying that you're ready to propel into action, but you haven't quite decided to actually do it. I have been trying to do a lot of things, but haven't quite done them to the best of my ability.

Where did I go wrong? Why can't I rely on myself and my decision-making skills anymore? How do I find that perfect medium of dependence and independence?

How to Keep Going When You Feel Like Stopping

Last week I got extremely frustrated at the gym. On Tuesday, I was frustrated because no matter what I did, I couldn't get my heart rate to stay in its target zone. I used to be able to go hard for a few minutes, then go "lighter" and keep my heart rate up. Now, it drops quickly, so that I constantly have to "push hard." Then, on Wednesday, Matt and I had a small spat...we were both frustrated with one another. Him because we're not seeing results, me...well everything else. I felt like he wasn't listening.

I received the following article in my inbox on April 3rd, and it helped.

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Hitting That Big Old Wall: How to Keep Going When You Feel Like Stopping
By: Julie Isphording, Olympic Marathoner (Found on SparkPeople)

Just about everyone has heard of the "Wall," as in "hitting the wall." And lots of us - in running and in life - have run straight into it. Head on.

A wall is the point in a race (or in life) where you're used up. You're officially done. You feel as if you are draining away into a little puddle on the ground. Your legs don't respond to the word "go." You vow never to do this again.

Although I hope you never have a wall get between you and a goal, here are some tricks I've learned from running that can help you get over your own wall when it's in the way:

Keep going regardless
Promise yourself that, no matter what, you will press on, even if you are walking, crawling, or puttering. In the Boston Marathon in 1993, I was running so slowly to the finish that I felt like I was actually going backwards. Stay on your feet. Eyes straight ahead. Move.

Don't think
Just go. Do not dwell on how overwhelmingly awful you feel. Focus on the cheering crowds, your friends and family waiting at the finish, the cool water, the trees... anything.

Try bribery
Tell yourself, "Self, when I get done with this, I'm going to buy you a new car, a new house, whatever you want."

Word-watch
Watch the negative words and thoughts. Think instead about all the successes you have had. How about all those hills you conquered? All those long workouts you endured? You are a great person. Relish those thoughts.

Negotiate with yourself
Give yourself permission to simply go to the next water stop, or to the next milestone, or even just the end of the day. Keep repeating that strategy until you see the finish line. Just one more mile before you say one more mile! (Exactly what I did on Wednesday!)

If it was easy, everyone could do it. You are the one who will make it. And don't forget the finish line pose!

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So what do you do when you hit a wall in your workout?

Just An Update

Two weeks ago I had strep, and last week I was sick. I'm now sitting in Orlando on a business trip, ready to rip my eyes out because of allergies. So is life...

About a 1.5 weeks ago, I did cardio with Stephanie (one of the trainers) at the gym. She's fantastic. Stephanie's training for a competition at the end of the month, so she's always looking for people to do cardio with. We jogged/walked about three miles; jogged a mile and walked the other two. I jogged one lap, two laps, three laps, and four laps (my first). Each lap's a tenth of a mile. She gave me so many great pointers for running and showed me some new stretches on top of that. It was by far my greatest cardio workout in a long time.

Last night I had a breakdown here at the hotel. The fire alarm went off at about 11:15pm. It was the first night that I went to bed before 11pm and I was going to get six hours of sleep (I have averaged just under 4 hours of sleep per night since Thursday). AND I was waking up early to hit the fitness center to get some cardio in since I have not done cardio in weeks because of illness. Well, after the fire alarm, there went all my sleeping time again...but I have to look on the bright side, even if I did get up, I would not have been able to work out at their facility because a leak. I skipped a conference session today to go mall walking because I feel like I've been so lazy and just not eating well while not at home. It was something, I suppose. I was just frustrated with the fire alarm because I had an 8:30am presentation today on top of everything else.

I feel bloated and just super fat tonight. It hasn't helped that I haven't left the hotel (and be in daylight) for two days now. I had 12.5 hours of meetings yesterday and 10 hours of meetings today (would have been 12 if I didn't take that mall walking break!). And this is straight meeting after meeting, with maybe ten minutes inbetween to grab water and a snack.

I'm frustrated, tired, and can't wait to get back into a routine at the gym...

Wednesday Weigh-In

Weight Statistics
Starting Weight (1/1/05): 366.00
Weight Started with Matt (5/14/07): 342.00
Current Weight (3/5/08): 289.50
Weight Loss To Date: 76.50 lbs
% Body Weight Loss: 20.9%


Measurement Statistics
Starting Total Inches (10/26/06): 258.25
Total Inches Started with Matt (5/14/07): 247.50
Current Total Inches (3/5/08): 221.00
Total Inches Lost To Date: 37.25 in

Monthly Total Inches Lost: 1.5 inches


The FANTASTIC
I'm getting back into the swing of things when it comes to weight loss.
Matt is giving me new things to work on at the gym.
I'm under 290lbs!

The Good
Matt worked me out so hard on Thursday, I could barely walk on Friday.
Matt, another client of his, and I entered the Capitol 10K at the end of March. I will also be entering the Texas Round-Up Challenge 10K at the end of April. I'm hoping these "competitions" will motivate me to work harder, and I always like to improve, so that's my goal between races.
This guy at the gym is encouraging me to train for the Austin Marathon next year. I find this unrealistic, but I'm up for the challenge. First thing's first, though, let me run a 10K!

The Bad
Matt worked me out so hard on Thursday, I could barely walk on Friday. Needless to say, I skipped cardio on Friday.
Soup and liquid diet this week...

The Ugly
Strep - need I say more?

Back On...Back Off...

Just as I got back into the swing of things, I came down with strep and have been completely wiped out of the game since Saturday. :( Took my first set of antibiotics today, so hopefully I will be better for my birthday party this weekend! I'm still doing a weigh-in and measurements on Wednesday with Matt, so we'll see where we are at and where we need to go!

Procrastinated Confession

I have been procrastinating this post for some time now, but since a few of you have been noticing that I have not posted in awhile, I figured it's time to confess... I fell off the bandwagon big time, and one of the easiest ways to know that I have is when I don't post to my blog at least a few times per week.

I do have to say, even though I live in sunny Austin, I went through a couple weeks of winter blues where I had no desire what-so-ever to exercise. The adrenaline that I got from working out decreased, so I looked to other things to keep going...aka sugar, the worst thing possible for a dieter, or, in my case, a lifestyle changer. I became addicted to sugar again, and last week was not too pretty when I tried to detox from it.

A couple weeks ago, Matt (my trainer) made me promise to go to the gym every day for a week to try and get out of my slump. I had the hardest time telling him of my woes because I knew it would make him upset and sad. He has put a lot of himself in me, not just work-wise either. Anyway, I did work out for a week straight, and was going strong on my second week until yesterday. Sundays have become my "day out of the gym" exercise day for variety. Last Sunday I played sand volleyball for 3.5 hours, and the week before I hiked probably 7 miles or so in the greenbelt. My nutrition is not completely back to normal, but I'm working on it.

Man, this post sounds depressing. What have I learned through all of this? WELL...Matt is right yet again, I'm sometimes way too hard on myself. I need to work on forgiving myself. I can forgive others pretty easily, but for some reason if I screw up myself, I just can't do it. And that's how I spiraled down.

I could blame this on the new guys that are in my life, but that would be just another excuse and I'm tired of excuses. I need to step my game back up, it's just super hard to do so when I have so many exciting things outside the gym occurring.

SO...for accountability...I weighed in this afternoon (usually I do this in the morning before my morning workout, but I haven't had one of those in weeks) at 295, last week I was 293. I may be retaining some water due to my sodium intake last night, but who knows. I have started logging my food again, so that should help.

Thanks to those who noticed my disappearing act...I've been procrastinating my confession for about week now, but now you and the world know it.

Life Happens And We Have To Deal

It's the second day that I have not been to the gym in a row. Yesterday I didn't go because of sore (possibly "torn") quad muscles, and today...well...there really isn't a good excuse for today. Could I make one up? Like being sick? OR...better yet...one of the guys that I'm getting to know? C'mon...I need to convince myself that ONE of these excuses works because we all know I'm not to blame, correct? I'm only trying to fool myself, and I think all of us do at some point or another:

I'm not that fat...
I'm big boned...
I don't need to exercise/move every day...
This one muffin isn't going to hurt (maybe the one won't, but the fifth will)...
One glass of wine won't hurt...

All these negatives and/or lies...self-defeating as somebody put it. I need to get back onto plan and do it now. Tomorrow's a new day.

Wednesday Weigh-In: 1/23/08

Most of the bloating is gone now, so my life's getting back to normal. Today I weighed in at 293.5. Not losing a lot these days, but I've been slacking in the diet (see below).


The FANTASTIC
I haven't missed a day at the gym and I did three double sessions.
A friend is going to cycle from Austin, Texas to Anchorage, Alaska with the Texas4000 club to raise cancer awareness.

The Good
I got to see Five Times August last night at Stubb's.
I'm going to bed soon, I can't wait to sleep!

The Bad
I'm getting another cold.
I worked on Monday even though it was a day off.
Lots of deadlines at work.
My shins aren't doing well.

The Ugly
Ugh...chocolate chip muffins and french fries. Thankfully there isn't any football this weekend.

Wednesday Weigh-In

As I assumed, I gained weight, but I'm not going to update all the statistics because I feel it has to be water retention. I weighed in on Saturday at 291.5, and this morning I weighed in at 299.0 - 7.5lbs weight gain in less than a week. Now let me tell you, I didn't eat an extra 26,250 calories in four days. I'm not worried about it, I weighed myself tonight and I was already down two pounds...so I'm just going to wait it out.


The FANTASTIC
I didn't go to happy hour tonight; instead, I went to the gym!
My confidence is through the roof right now, and let me tell you, guys are easy...just a little smile and wink.
I got two more compliments this week.

The Good
I may have met some fun workout buddies at the gym.
I had 13-14 hours at the gym this week.
My friend started training with my trainer, so it's a great support system.

The Bad
I'm still bruised from my fall.
I missed going to the gym on Thursday because my car needed to see the doctor.

The Ugly
Jalapeno poppers, chili cheese fries, and two vodka and diet cokes.
I had Subway and Chipotle this week.

Hopefully Just Bloated...

I'm frustrated. I feel like I am bloated beyond belief. I drank my water, and none of it is coming out of me what-so-ever. I know tomorrow's weigh-in is not going to be accurate, but I will weigh in for consistency. I weighed myself Saturday at the gym and I was 291.5, but my official weigh-in isn't until tomorrow. I think my sodium and fiber intake is a bit higher than usual, which would help explain being bloated. It's not even close enough to that time of month for that to be a factor (unless I'm going to get my cycle early). Argh...the scale is going to frustrate me tomorrow; it already is.

It is what it is.