Sunday, September 30, 2007

Fat Goggles

Just like people wear beer goggles when they drink, I have fat goggles when I look at myself. For those who don't know what I mean by "beer goggles," here's a quick summary of what it is: When people drink, they lower their standards in hopes to get a hook up with somebody of the opposite sex. The more they drink and the later it gets, the ugly girls/guys begin to look "pretty." To put it simple, drinking warps your vision and judgement.

When it comes to looking at myself in a mirror, if I'm fully clothed, I don't always see myself as fat. It was only through a picture over the holidays a few years ago that I realized how fat I was. I was sitting next to my dad, with my cousins and aunt to the left of me. I couldn't believe how big I was!!! This is why I'm so focused on taking pictures during my weight loss because I can see the differences, as slow as they are. To this day, when I look in a mirror, I don't always see myself as obese. I can only attribute this to Fat Goggles. (If I find that photo, I'll scan it in to post.)

I do feel vain, though. I look at myself in the mirror all time. Sometimes I don't recognize myself. Sometimes I'm disgusted with myself. But lately, I have been pretty hopeful, even though the weight is coming off unevenly.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

I have to want it...

I'm not sure why I had this revelation today, but I realized that in order for me to really lose weight, I have to want to do it. Most of you probably think, "Why wouldn't she want to lose weight and be healthy?"

To be honest, it's just easier not to lose weight. I constantly have to think about what I'm eating, what I'm doing for exercise, etc. I fear changing. I fear failing. I fear that people's perceptions of me will change. I fear that I will not only be confident, but I'll be cocky as well. I fear a lot of things when it comes to weight loss.

For the past couple of months I have been studying 1 John 4 to address my issue with fears:
(16)And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. (17)In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgement, because in this world we are like him. (18)There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. (19)We love because he first loved us.

A few points I have taken from this passage. God provides us unconditional perfect love. All Christians must love (and accept love from) others as God loves us. It is only then, I will not fear.

Is losing weight punishment because I fear it? Actually, I think it is punishment for my previous sins. Every pound I lose is some sort of emotional baggage that I am getting rid of. In the end, I believe I will be a better person and a better Christian when I finish losing the weight that I need to.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Diet Blog

The most recent post on the Diet Blog is excellent (The Beck Diet Solution: How to Think Like a Thin Person), it gave me a lot to think about. The following points are areas that I will be working on:

1. How to motivate myself
2. Plan in advance and self-monitor behavior (I think I got this covered!)
3. Overcome sabotaging thoughts
4. Tolerate hunger and craving

The next few days I will be writing on #1, #3, and #4.

Monday, September 24, 2007

New Goals

1. Four double gym sessions per week (when not traveling).
2. At least 6.5 hours of sleep per night.
3. Eating at least three veggies per day.
4. Eating at least two fruits per day.
5. Lose 23 pounds by Christmas.


The double gym days are killing me, mainly for the fact that I feel like I'm living there. They might as well just give me a locker with a name plate. I'm just tired and cranky at the moment.

This weekend I was frustrated concerning the fact that no matter what I did, I cannot get my heart rate up into its target zone unless I do drastic things. By drastic, I mean jog or the stair monster, both in which I HATE doing. I know, I mom has always told me that hate is a strong word, but I just don't like doing these things to that point. Hopefully my body will get used to them.

Today's exercise log:
Session 1: 26min - stair monster (longest time posted); 20min - stretching; 30min - swimming (breaststroke)
Session 2: 20min - elliptical; 10min - stretching; 50min - weight training with Matt (includes 3 jogged laps and ~7 laps walking, most with weights)

The past couple of days I've been pretty good about eating according to plan, but I have been SO hungry. Matt says it's because my metabolism has increased, but I don't like feeling hungry. I guess I might have to modify the type of calories I eat.

I also desire to have faith in myself that I can do this. I'm living off of Matt's belief that I can do this, and I do not want to disappoint him. When will I want to not disappoint myself?

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Photographs from Las Vegas

To the left, at the Bellagio, to the right, Planet Hollywood in Vegas! Can you believe they have escalators outside that go up to the casino, but not down? Well...I pretty much always took the stairs! Maybe part of the reason why I lost weight that week!

Friday, September 21, 2007

Working While Working Out

I went to Las Vegas from 9/15 through 9/19. Luckily I stayed on target (for the most part) diet-wise, although I probably should have done more cardiovascular exercise. Overall, I lost 1.5lbs for the week.

Meanwhile, at work, it's been super busy with people needing requests, contracts, data products, and presentations quickly (1-2 week timeframe). My team has been working really hard with the time off I have been taking, so I've felt a bit guilty when I was really strapped for time yesterday finishing up a graduate school class lecture that I was giving at the University of Texas today. I love doing this lecture because the students are really enthusiastic about school and get into the presentation I give them. Usually when I'm strapped for time, I work late forgetting about other priorities in life (e.g., exercise, eating well, etc), but I decided to do lecture prep while on an elliptical at the gym. This passed the time really quickly! While my intensity may not have been as fast as it should have been, I still got some in!

Thursday, September 06, 2007

I am angry...

I am angry at myself today. I am angry of where I am at right now, trying to lose all this weight, eating all that crap for years and years. I am truly angry with myself. I really need to focus this anger and put it into my training instead of eating a bag of chips like I used to.


From August 22nd - August 29th, on the new routine, I lose three pounds and 1.75 inches. From August 29th - September 5th, I lost one pound, and we didn't do measurements. When my trainer came to the scale yesterday, Matt was so excited that I actually lost weight on vacation, he nearly knocked me down when he hit my shoulder.

I was on vacation for part of last week (August 30th - September 3rd). The following was my workout schedule:

Thursday: Walked about 80 minutes in the Minneapolis Airport. The Minneapolis Airport is a fantastic airport to have a connecting flight! The airport's terminals create a big square, which took me about 22-23 minutes to walk a lap, which would mean it's just over a mile. They also have SmartLockers, like SmartCarts, you can rent them out for a fee so you can store your carry-on bags. Also, one whole area is dedicated to shopping, since Minneapolis is home of Mall of America! Lots to do, lots of fun (and just in the airport!).

Friday: Although I didn't get to the gym as I intended, I did walk 15 flights of stairs.

Saturday: I hit the gym with my aunt. I did 15 minutes on the elliptical, 20 minutes stretching, and about 45 minutes of upper body done. My other aunt and I walked about 1.5 miles at the park and I got eaten alive!

Sunday: While the extended family attended church, I hit the gym. I did 5 minutes on the rotating stairs, 20 minutes stretching, 20 minutes on the elliptical, and 45 minutes of lower body.

Monday: My aunt and I walked about 2.3 miles in the morning.

As for eating, I thought I did pretty well, with a few exceptions. I did eat chips, but I didn't over-indulge. And while at the baseball game, I did have fried dough (aka funnel cake). I still lost a pound though. Now hopefully when I go to Vegas next week, that'll be the same situation!