Ready to blog again!

I miss blogging!  And more importantly, I did SO much better in my life journey when I did blog.  I am officially back!  I am going to start blogging in the next couple of weeks due to finals, but I will ramp it up as quickly as possible.  As a guideline, I'm leaning towards to posting on specific topics on certain days of the week, but this will not be set in stone.

Monday - Song of the week and/or "need to know"
Tuesday - Food and/or environment
Wednesday - Typical weigh-in day at Weight Watchers
Thursday - Physical fitness and/or the body
Friday - Data day
Saturday - Past, present, and future
Sunday - Recipe of the week

I have a few housekeeping notes before I start blogging again.
1.  Please feel free to sign up to get e-mails of my journal entries!  And don't hesitate to follow me on Twitter too!
2.  If you are a fellow blogger and would like to be added to my blog roll, please let me know, and I will take it under consideration.
3.  Lastly, I am 95% sure that I will never been adding advertisements to my blog.  If I do so, there will be strict requirements of what I will allow to be added.  Advertisements, in my opinion, take away from the blog and what I want to convey to my readers.

I'm excited to be back, and I look forward to getting to know you!!!!

Africa - Support Raising

I'M GOING TO AFRICA!!! Say what?!?!?! I'M GOING TO AFRICA!!!

I have an exciting opportunity this summer! From August 9th - 19th, I have the privilege of traveling to Jinja, Uganda with a team from my church, Austin Christian Fellowship (ACF) to join God in His work there. We will be caring for orphans at a babies’ home in a village called Bukaleba, visiting impoverished communities, serving students in schools, and building relationships with individuals living with HIV/AIDS. Simply, we are going to Uganda as servants and learners.

This experience will also allow me to decide if humanitarian work is what I want to do with my life and to what extent. I have been toying with the idea of joining the Peace Corps since college, and more recently I have been contemplating working with Doctors Without Borders or Mercy Ships. I have this huge heart to serve and go places where others do not want to go to help. Did you know that the life expectancy at birth in Uganda is 49 years for men and 51 years for women? Twenty-five percent of all deaths in Uganda are due to HIV/AIDS. I want to inspire, encourage, enlighten, touch, and help those living in Uganda. This will be my first missions trip out of the United States. I have helped locally with lunch and church programs for the homeless under the I-35 bridge and have gone on trips to Galveston , TX to help rebuild after Hurricane Ike. All have been amazing experiences and I cannot wait to go to Uganda.

The purpose of this post is to ask you to be a part of my support team. I am also asking you to pray about being an extension of my team by supporting me financially. The cost of the trip will be $2,700 and this will cover airfare, room and board, insurance, and ground transportation.

Even if you choose not to donate financially, please let me know if you would like to join my prayer team. If you choose to provide financial support, you can do so online, please go to ACF's online giving page.

1. If you do not attend ACF, then click on the "Give Now, Non-Attenders" button. It will ask that you register as a non-member of ACF by giving some personal information. Complete the information, type in the alpha numeric password on the screen, and you are in. Once in, you can immediately give by choosing the "Africa Mission Trip" under the heading "Give To," choose the amount, and write "Michelle-Africa" in the "Optional Memo" line. To give an additional time, it will ask that you change your password, so that you can return to the site again using the ACS non-member login.

2. If you attend ACF, then use the "Give Now, Registered Attenders" button. If you are not yet registered, please fill out the "Get Plugged In email" and instructions will be sent to you within 48 hours. Once registered, log on using the Access ACS member login. Once in, you can immediately give by choosing the "Africa Mission Trip" under the heading "Give To," choose the amount, and write "Michelle-Africa" in the "Optional Memo" line.

Donations can be tax-deductible. It is requested that contributions be received by June 9, 2009.

I will be continually blogging about my adventures before, during, and after my trip to Uganda. Thank you so much for the support!

Others have faith...

...and I lost mine along the way. There are a few people at the gym that genuinely motivate me. My one friend, Len, has the best timing ever. One time, while running stairs for my trainer, he helped me finish them out, made me keep up with him. Pushed me to my limits. Today, when I was running two miles, he showed up by my side at 1.6 miles in. I was struggling to get through; my knees were starting to hurt, but I was trying so hard not to lose focus on the goal. The remaining 0.4 miles, I didn't even know I did because we were chatting and catching up.

Why do I keep losing focus on my goals? I really need to just suck it up and do it. Stick to my rules and stop screwing up. It's just nice to have friends to help out along the way.

My Fatal Flaw

I have a fatal flaw that makes me self destruct. It's a mental thing, and I think it re-occurred this past year. Would you like to know what my fatal flaw is? The one that I will have to continue to battle day after day?

My fatal flaw is the fear of failure. I quit before I can fail.

Why? It's easier, but it's not always better. I am not going to quit this fight.

Ben Harper - Fight Outta You

As if...

It seems like forever ago...but it was probably 9-12 months ago when Matt (my trainer) and I were running one (0.1 mile), two (0.2 mile), three (0.3 mile) laps around the track...him always encouraging me to push myself to go faster and be better. One of those days, he made a comment, "Imagine this. You're running 50 second laps now. Some day, for warm up, you'll be running a mile." (He requires me to do a 10 minute warm up before training, so in essence, doing a 10 minute mile.) I rolled my eyes at him and probably said, "As if."

Again, Matt has proven me wrong. I am now running a mile for warm up, but it's not a 10 minute mile, rather it's a 13 minute mile. I guess I've come a long way; I just wish I've had a better attitude about it.

Motivated...

You wouldn't think that I was motivated by the fact that I skipped the gym today, BUT...I sure did go shopping, and I am SUPER stoked! Depending on the cut or style of the clothing, I can now shop at regular stores. Holy crap, did I nearly poop my pants when I tried something on at Bass today and it fit. IT FIT. I know, I know, some store clothing lines run a little big, but I'm glad I decided to try it on anyway, something I normally wouldn't even attempt. The only frustrating thing is that I'm not losing the weight proportionately, so there are many things that just look hilarious on me. I'll take pictures next time...if they allow photography in the dressing rooms. Do you think they'd care?

My First 10K

I completed my first 10K a couple of hours ago. Notice how I said first? I suppose there's more coming my way! I spent most of the race "catching up" to Matt, Terri, and Leslee (sp?), but we all finished. (Just a quick update, we did a run/walk; my "catching up" was always a jog because they were walking so fast!) I meant to time it by my watch, but I forgot my watch at the car, so we had to rely on the race clock or Matt's cell phone. Matt calculated that we did the 6.2 miles in 82 minutes, meaning it was 14.4 minutes per mile, or 4.4 mph. My calculation, though, was based on the time clock, and I got we were doing 15 minutes per mile, or 4 mph. What can I say, I'm a math geek; I do it for my day job. As usual, I think I'm right...I'm a woman after all. :)

I've decided not to do the Bun Run in mid-April, but rather skip over it and do the Texas Round-Up at the end of April. I have a month to train!

I also have to state the fact that Matt did not have to do the 10K with us, but this is just one thing that makes him, as a trainer, above the others. Even though I give him crap all the time, what sister wouldn't?

I LOVE ME

I'm catching up on blogs tonight, and came across Krissie's "I LOVE ME" list, so here it goes...

1. What do you absolutely love about your body?
Of course, the hardest question has to be the first one. I really had to think about this one while I was at the gym. The answer? My growing muscles. I've been impressed with how strong I have become physically (did 20 pound bicep curls today!).

2. When did you surprise yourself with your physical strength?
A year and a half ago, I was doing bicep curls with 5lb weights. Depending on the type of curl, I'm either using 15, 17.5, or 20lbs. My trainer helps me realize my physical strength all the time when he pushes me on the track, running two or three laps for a first time. He's always so proud and excited when I do hit a new goal like that; I may not physically show my excitement, but I do express it inwardly.

3. When were you braver than you ever thought you could be?
When I moved to Texas without ever visiting the area.

4. When did your self-control blow you away?
There was plenty of times in the past year in which I would go out to eat and only eat half of my meal. I'm slowly beginning to focus on the people I am with rather than the food consumption part.

5. What is your proudest moment ever?
The first time I was ever proud of myself was last month when my weight dropped below 300 pounds, reaching my first goal.

6. When was the last time you felt absolutely beautiful?
Five (maybe four...) guy personal trainers and my trainer's wife took me to a bar to celebrate reaching my first goal before their Christmas party. I bought a black dress the day before, wore heels (never do), and just felt absolutely beautiful. We were the only group in the bar, but eventually other groups of guys were coming in, so pretty much it was just me and my trainer's wife for females in the whole place. I had to go to the ladies room a couple of times, and I just felt these gazes follow me. Usually, I would think these gazes were because I was too fat or had toilet paper on my heel, but I felt like they were checking me out. The last time I went to the bathroom was right before we left the bar and it was just something special to see the crew standing, waiting by the door for me. I just had so much confidence that night, I think that was the key.

7. Why do you deserve to meet your goals?
I deserve to be my first priority in life. It's the first time I have ever done anything like this for me.

Update: Holiday Competition

Over Thanksgiving, my sister and I were chatting on the phone and decided to have a competition to see who could lose the highest percentage of their body weight (post here). The loser would have to buy the other lunch over Christmas. Yeah, I know, rewards should not be food orientated, but this would have given us time to just hang out (we went shopping instead). We started the Monday after Thanksgiving and then re-weighed ourselves the day before we left to go to our parent's house.

So the final results? We both lost 2.62% of our body weight. Technically speaking, I won if you went to the fourth decimal place, but we called it a draw. I'll get her next time!

I do have to mention, I lost just over 12 pounds this holiday season, compared to my seven pound weight gain last year. Now that's motivation to keep going!

Tip #5: When you need a bit of motivation...

My trainer has me walk with weights all the time. Usually, I'm doing something with those weights - lateral raises, bicep curls, shoulder presses, triceps, etc. On occasion, he just adds extra weight and has me walk with him. On Monday, I got to walk a lap (0.1 mile) with 40lbs in hand. Do you know how heavy that felt? And to think three years ago I weighed 70lbs more?

When you need a little bit of motivation, grab a weight that equals what you have lost and walk for a bit as a reminder of where you once were. It'll get your butt in gear again, guaranteed.

Weekly Compliments

A client of Scotty's, Kathleen, remarked to him about my weight loss. He mentioned to her that I just hit a milestone goal and that she should say something to me. Her compliment? "You are just melting away!" She and I chatted maybe eight months ago when we were both leaving the gym; she's lost over 100lbs herself. (Congrats girl!)

A trainer (I'm really bad with names) from the gym: "You look great."

Two people told me I was an inspiration to them. One is a hot athletic trainer at the gym (Stephanie) when she was training for her competition. The other was just a member at the gym. She was on a mission to catch up with me on the track, and I was walking pretty slow today (yeah...the three-ish inch heels did it to me).

A co-workers girlfriend mentioned to him that it looked like I lost weight. Yeah...acquaintances are noticing. :)

I'm sure I'm missing a couple, but those are the ones standing out right now. :) It's kind of getting overwhelming...

Motto: It is what it is.

For a long time now I have to been asking the question "Why?". Why am I fat? Why me? I have been searching for an answer. While I know "why" I'm fat - eating too much and exercising little, I always wanted to blame some thing or someone besides just me (note the word "besides" because I am, in fact, to blame for all, if not most).

While at the gym today, I came up with a new motto: It is what it is. Who cares why or how I got fat. It is what it is. The time to change is now and to move my life forward in the most healthy way possible.

Competition

After my weigh-in and measurements last Wednesday (11/21), I had nine pounds left to lose to meet my first HUGE goal before I go to my parents' place for Christmas. After talking to my sister on the phone on Thanksgiving, we decided to compete to see who can lose the highest percentage of their weight this holiday season. Our official weigh-in for the competition was yesterday, and guess what? Since last Wednesday, I've lost three pounds! Of course I had a whoops today and had pizza, but I am doing a double gym day tomorrow. Also, I did my first double double at the gym: I ran two laps twice. Matt was really excited that I wanted to push through it. I think he would have been even more excited if I did one triple, but I already told him that'll have to happen after the holidays. We'll see!

I feel like if I reach my goal, my time at my parents' place and Tammy's pad will be easier because I will NEVER want to go over that number again (I will no longer hide how much I weigh at this point). Besides, I was always competitive with my sister, wanting to do better than her, so that's just added motivation! Let's not forget that Matt's supposed to take me out when I hit it as well! Looks like I'll be working my butt off tomorrow to pay for the pizza bit today...

(A mental note to me, I feel WAY too full right now, and I'm not liking it one bit.)

Are Horoscopes True?

I get a variety of horoscopes on My Yahoo! page. Usually, I find them quite amusing because they really don't hit what is happening in my life, but today's overview caught my attention because it did!

"Overview: You're daydreaming about the next big thing and you may need to do something about it soon. Whatever you want to make happen, you can at least prepare for the future turn your life will take."

Matt and I chatted about something, and it reminded me of some dreams I had back a few years ago, part of the reason why I started to lose weight. All of a sudden, all these dreams have resurfaced, and I feel SO alive. I actually began researching one of them last night, to start preparing for the leap when I'm ready. Some day I will expand further on these dreams, but feel it's too risky to chat about now (you never know who's going to be reading this). All I have to say is that it feels EXTREMELY right.

I am worth it.

I won't lie, I watch the Biggest Loser. Sometimes the show encourages me to be better and do more, but other times it frustrates me to see them lose so much weight quickly. Granted, I could drop weight that fast too if I was to dedicate hours and hours a day to exercise alone, but alas, I have to work for a living. Anyway, sometimes there are some really moving moments that make me wonder or just really hit home for me. In this week's episode, a trainer kept yelling at one of the girls to say and mean the following while running on a treadmill: "I am worth it." Why wouldn't I be worthy of a great life? Are we not put on this earth to do great things and be the best that we can be? I think these four words are my new motto every time Matt makes me run a lap at the gym. All the pain, all the pent up anger, all the frustration, all the tears, all the successes, all the...joy... I AM WORTH IT.

While going through a spiritual gifts survey, I was asked to evaluate the following statement: I am willing to attempt impossible tasks for God. The more I think about this statement, the more it confuses me because all things are possible if you believe in God and yourself. I'm beginning to believe in myself. While I was driving to the gym today, I finally realized how negative I am about who I am as a person. I put myself down all the time, usually in the form of a joke or two or three or four. I have decided to try and stop doing this because I believe in the end, it will hurt my chances to lose and keep the weight off.

Oh yeah...I lost 3.75lbs this past week, but last week I was bloated when I weighed in...soooo....

Games, Food, and Cramps

I've been playing games with myself at the gym. I'll try to do something faster or better than the last time. Today I did some track walking. Last week, I did a mile in 16:45, today? 16:35. Slowly it goes down.

This week I cooked my meals for the week, all fresh, all natural, and whole grain, which means lower calories. Also, work has been extremely busy, so it's been difficult to eat on schedule. But I'm managing the best that I can.

Cramps...I have been having many charlie horses. Two weeks ago, I had one in the thigh, quad, and both calves. Increased my water consumption to a gallon/gallon and a half per day. Last week, it was the left calf, and was the longest one I've had (~15 minutes). Tried adding a bit of salt to my diet yesterday and today. Today, the other calf. I eat enough potassium, so I'm not sure what else I can do.

Encouraged...

I got a couple of compliments on the shirt I wore today. I couldn't find the one I wanted to, so I grabbed the first thing that would match the rest of the outfit. It ended up being a shirt I have not worn in forever. After the second compliment, I decided to check the size of the shirt for the hell of it. Well lookie, lookie...it was one of my smaller sizes. Let's just say I had a great workout today because of it.

As much as I need to be encouraged, I try to encourage a few people at the gym I see also. Well...I think one of them now thinks I've been flirting with him; the last thing I'd be doing is flirting with anybody at the gym. I'm usually sweaty, smelly, and exhausted after my workout. Besides, the sooner I get my workout done, the sooner I can do the multitude of other things I need to get done, and the more sleep I can get. Ahhhhh...sleep.

Applying Oneself

I heard the following saying awhile ago, not sure where I was, who it was to, or it could have been in a movie for all I know: "You're really smart, I just wish you would apply yourself more."

Sounds like something from an after-school TV show, but is extremely applicable to my life right now.

I am smart. In my field, I know all the health consequences that are associated with obesity and how obesity increases your chances to having many future chronic conditions (e.g., diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, heart attacks, etc). So why do I have such a hard time when it comes to weight loss? To put it simply, I don't apply myself as much as I should probably. I pretend some of the items I eat do not have to be logged. I pretend that it's okay to take a few days off from the gym. Then, when I don't see the results I want to, I blame anything and everything other than me. I lie to myself about the condition that I am in.

I am fat. I am not perfect. And I'm okay with that. What I am not okay with is dying young and not sharing the gifts I have with the world.

Almost

I almost gave up tonight; I was extremely close in doing so.

I met with my trainer and couldn't do half of the things he wanted me to do. I couldn't jog because of my shin splints. I couldn't balance. I couldn't do rows because my back hurt. I couldn't push myself and I felt like I failed him. The worst feeling I have had in a long time.

I couldn't even do more than 30 minutes of cardio after I worked out with him because I thought I was going to burst into tears (I did do 12 minutes before I met with him as well). I did end up crying in the girl's locker room. On top of that, I had a few people who wanted to introduce themselves to me and talk; I wasn't in the talking mood to say the least, and hopefully they didn't think I was purposely being rude. I wanted to go home, call Matt and tell him that I was done, that I can no longer do this, that I just have to accept the fact that I was meant to be fat the rest of my life.

Then I really thought about it. "...I can no longer do this..." What really was "this"? The hard work? The exercising? The eating right? Yes, everybody has their setbacks, it's how you deal with them that makes you either a winner or loser.

At the end of the day, I decided to transform this statement into, "I can no longer do the yo-yoing." It has been the yo-yoing that has driven me to be mad. There are things that I'm going to have to give up probably forever, but in the end these insignificant material things will be replaced with...well I'm not quite sure yet. I guess that's part of the adventure.

Sometimes you have to break down in order to pick up the pieces and build yourself up stronger. Hopefully Matt will have the patience to deal with a few more of my break downs (both physical and mental) because I'm sure this will not be the last one.

Team Healthy Lifestyle

I figured it's always more fun to do things with friends and family, so I want to create a Team atmosphere via the web since many of my close friends and family members live thousands of miles away. At first I was going to name the team after me, but I don't want this to be solely about me. All of us can improve our health one way or another, whether it is through diet, exercise, or both. So for right now, I'm calling it Team Healthy Lifestyle, but this can be negotiated. Besides, as the famous saying goes, "There is no I in TEAM."

The idea is to rally behind one another as we seek the optimal level of health for ourselves. We're all going to be at different starting points and will have a variety of goals (and some of these goals may be just maintaining your current weight, or increasing muscle mass, etc). As I need encouragement every now and then, I too want to support you and your healthy lifestyle choices.

Add a comment if you want to enlist in Team Healthy Lifestyle. Depending on the number of people interested, I will look into posting some type of forum or discussion board that Team members can regularly participate in. If anybody already uses any that they like, please let me know.