Values & Respect

Standing up for one's values, that's what it's all about. I stand by my beliefs, thoughts, and values and push back all the time at work. I'm not going to sacrifice who I am for somebody or something else, but this is only true for work. Some say that's the hardest area to stay true to your values, but I think it's different for everybody. I don't always stay true to myself in my day-to-day life; I sacrifice my values all the time without even realizing it. This is going to change; I'm going to work on this from this day forward.

How did I start thinking about this? My trainer and I had a conversation today that truly made me realize his commitment and dedication to the field - the field of changing lives. I don't want to go into great detail about it because it's not really my place to do so, but I respect him even more than I did before. He has humbled me beyond words (almost). Sometimes you just have to stand up in what you believe in, and I've forgotten what it's like to stand up for myself in the world around me. I have a voice and it needs to be heard.

As if...

It seems like forever ago...but it was probably 9-12 months ago when Matt (my trainer) and I were running one (0.1 mile), two (0.2 mile), three (0.3 mile) laps around the track...him always encouraging me to push myself to go faster and be better. One of those days, he made a comment, "Imagine this. You're running 50 second laps now. Some day, for warm up, you'll be running a mile." (He requires me to do a 10 minute warm up before training, so in essence, doing a 10 minute mile.) I rolled my eyes at him and probably said, "As if."

Again, Matt has proven me wrong. I am now running a mile for warm up, but it's not a 10 minute mile, rather it's a 13 minute mile. I guess I've come a long way; I just wish I've had a better attitude about it.

Challenges...

I tend to meet challenges from friends head on, as if I have to prove to them I can do it. I'm not sure why I always felt like I needed to prove myself, but I have.

My trainer, has on occasion, "challenged" me to a few different things. About a month ago, I won $5 for completing my last set of jumps, and last week...well, I won a sort of different challenge.

Matt has this habit of making me do something so much, I end up hating it. Something I hated one month can be easily replaced with something else. For the longest time, I hated shoulder presses because he made me do them ALL the time. I would groan and moan every time he made me do them. Well, a few months ago, this was replaced with girl pushups, we started out small, three sets of 10, then three sets of 12, three sets of 15, and then last week three sets of 16. I was PMSing pretty bad last Wednesday and put up a stink about doing them, so he made me a challenge: If I could do one real pushup, I wouldn't have to do three sets of 16 girl pushups. I quickly made the deal. I got down on the ground and did a single pushup. He said a deal was a deal, and we walked the track and did my second favorite thing in the world (sarcasm): shoulder presses. We got back to the mat, and Matt says, "A deal is a deal, you won't be doing three sets of 16 of girl pushups, I want three sets of 10 of the real thing." My mouth dropped, and I slipped under my breath, "Jerk!" He kept his end of the deal, now I had to keep mine. I didn't get three sets of 10 of real pushups in (muscles fatigued), but it was a start. Next time I won't open my big mouth, OR...only accept a challenge after I really think about the aftermath. :)

First Non-Scale Victory: Race Day

Today I had to give myself my FIRST Non-Scale Victory (NSV)! I wanted it to be ultra-special, and that it is!

I participated in the Schlotzky's 5K Bun Run '08 this morning. I wasn't going to do another race until the 10K at the end of April, but I got talked into it, only for her to have to cancel last minute, life happens. So I decided to do it on my own anyway, and had a blast! Matt (my trainer) wanted me to run the whole thing; I told him I would try, but after waking up to a slightly sore knee, I knew I had to alter that goal. My new goal was to jog a mile, walk a mile, jog the last 1.1 miles. (For those who don't know, a 5K is 3.1 miles, a 10K is 6.2 miles.) This, of course, would be a challenge all on its own because the furthest I have ever jogged on the treadmill was 0.6 miles straight. I also planned it strategically because the "hill of death" (as I would like to call it) was in that second mile, and I knew I'd have to walk up that anyway...

Seeing that we are celebrating my first official NSV, one would assume that I met my goal. In fact, I creamed it! I jogged the first mile with hesitancy, but made it. Once I got into my rhythm, it was quite easy not to stop. I walked after the first "watering hole" which was at 1.1 miles, picked up my jog again until I hit hill #1, which is followed by a nice downward slope (runs pretty nice), with the hill of death just as you round that corner onto 15th street. The hill of death kicked my butt during the Capitol 10K a couple weeks ago, but I knew about it and was ready for it! Overall, I estimate that I jogged 2.6 miles (may be a conservative estimate). So again, here's that fun math stuff; this time I actually remembered to wear my watch:

Mile 1: 14:15 minutes
Mile 2: 16:15 minutes (clock read 30:30)
Mile 3: 15:00 minutes (clock read 45:30)
Finish: 01:30 minutes (clock read 47:00)

Originally I wanted to do it in 42 minutes, after the first mile I said, nope, should be 45 minutes... Turned out to be 47 minutes, but that's okay! I jogged for at least 40 minutes of this thing, and dammit, that's something I'm going to be proud of because the most I ever jogged on the treadmill in intervals was 16 minutes (averaged 4.5mph).

That's my FIRST NSV... Actually, it should be my second because I proved Matt wrong at the gym last week. Now that's a funny story I'm going to have share very soon...

And for those of you who are interested in seeing how wet and miserable I looked during the Capitol 10K a couple weeks ago, click here. I'm in the green tank top. My favorite photograph, by far, is the second one, where I'm racing to the finish line while Matt's high-fiving another friend's success.

How to Keep Going When You Feel Like Stopping

Last week I got extremely frustrated at the gym. On Tuesday, I was frustrated because no matter what I did, I couldn't get my heart rate to stay in its target zone. I used to be able to go hard for a few minutes, then go "lighter" and keep my heart rate up. Now, it drops quickly, so that I constantly have to "push hard." Then, on Wednesday, Matt and I had a small spat...we were both frustrated with one another. Him because we're not seeing results, me...well everything else. I felt like he wasn't listening.

I received the following article in my inbox on April 3rd, and it helped.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Hitting That Big Old Wall: How to Keep Going When You Feel Like Stopping
By: Julie Isphording, Olympic Marathoner (Found on SparkPeople)

Just about everyone has heard of the "Wall," as in "hitting the wall." And lots of us - in running and in life - have run straight into it. Head on.

A wall is the point in a race (or in life) where you're used up. You're officially done. You feel as if you are draining away into a little puddle on the ground. Your legs don't respond to the word "go." You vow never to do this again.

Although I hope you never have a wall get between you and a goal, here are some tricks I've learned from running that can help you get over your own wall when it's in the way:

Keep going regardless
Promise yourself that, no matter what, you will press on, even if you are walking, crawling, or puttering. In the Boston Marathon in 1993, I was running so slowly to the finish that I felt like I was actually going backwards. Stay on your feet. Eyes straight ahead. Move.

Don't think
Just go. Do not dwell on how overwhelmingly awful you feel. Focus on the cheering crowds, your friends and family waiting at the finish, the cool water, the trees... anything.

Try bribery
Tell yourself, "Self, when I get done with this, I'm going to buy you a new car, a new house, whatever you want."

Word-watch
Watch the negative words and thoughts. Think instead about all the successes you have had. How about all those hills you conquered? All those long workouts you endured? You are a great person. Relish those thoughts.

Negotiate with yourself
Give yourself permission to simply go to the next water stop, or to the next milestone, or even just the end of the day. Keep repeating that strategy until you see the finish line. Just one more mile before you say one more mile! (Exactly what I did on Wednesday!)

If it was easy, everyone could do it. You are the one who will make it. And don't forget the finish line pose!

--------------------------------------------------------------------

So what do you do when you hit a wall in your workout?

More about the 10K

Now that my head's screwed back into place, I can tell you a bit more about my first 10K!

There was a 30% chance of rain, but the weather guys always say that and it NEVER rains here in Texas, so I thought they were lying to me again. For those who don't know, I read somewhere that 30% means 30% of the viewing area, and in Austin, the weather is very different in South Austin compared to North Austin compared to West Austin. Anyway, it was super humid (near 100%), and as we waited for the timed runners to take off, it started to sprinkle then rain steadily. By the time we crossed the start line, it was already 20 minutes into the race.

The Capitol 10K encourages people to dress up, so we got to see a few interesting costumes along the way. My absolutely favorite part was when we were by the University of Texas stadium, we started hearing chanting behind us, you know, soldiers jogging in formation kind of chant. Eventually they pass us, but it was Austin Police Department cadets. They "sang" some interesting tunes for us. OH! And how can I forget, there were bands throughout the course playing for us! It wouldn't be Austin otherwise!

The rain ended about half way through. While the rain was refreshing, I just felt like I wasn't sweating because of the humidity, not to mention the roads get slippery when they're just wet and not soaked. I also had no hand-mouth coordinator when I grabbed water either! I literally spilled half the water down my chest and drank the other half. I guess I have to work on my transitions!

Matt asked me something interesting today: "Were you proud of yourself when you crossed the finish line?" I actually had to think about it because I wasn't sure - but yeah, I was proud. I wish I ran more of it, but there's always next time? Who's up for the end of April?

Happy Holidays Week Review

It's the first chance that I have had to post in nearly two weeks. I have been focused on doing weekly weigh-ins, but will not have an official weigh-in until I get back home on Thursday. It's hard to say whether or not I have maintained my weight loss, which is what I was hoping for while being away from home. I think I may have gained a couple, but it won't be the end of the world if I did.


The FANTASTIC
While at my parents, I went to the gym five days (out of seven). I weight-trained four of those days.
In the first two days at the gym, I met two guys. One was an older gentleman who approached me to let me know that he was impressed with my jogging speed on the track. The other, a younger guy, stopped to tell me to keep up the good work. We chatted for about 15 minutes, and to find out, he's lost 50 pounds himself. The third person I met later, well...to no surprise...a trainer. Do I have dollar signs on my forehead?

The Good
Although I didn't hit the gym yesterday, we walked all over Boston. Today we are going to the gym with Tony (another college friend) and hitting a museum (more walking).
I'm seeing family and friends I haven't seen in a long time.

The Bad
I had a meltdown on Thursday and called Matt. I was tired of spending time at the gym when I don't get to see my parents much as it is. I also knew the "ugly" (see below) was happening.
I'll be eating on the run while in Boston. I've tried to do healthier options on the menu, but we all know how hesitant I still am when I eat out.
I had two beers, one glass of wine, and two martinis this trip so far. I don't plan on drinking tonight, but New Years Eve is a different story!
I can't decide if I'm happy enough in Austin or if I want to still move back to Boston. I'm hoping for a clear answer while here in Boston.

The Ugly
I still have no willpower. While my parents supported me in buying me the food products I use so I could cook according to my meal plan, the fact that there was all that yummy usual holiday food in the fridge...I just couldn't resist.
I cheated for about five days while visiting my parents. I probably consumed 2,000-2,750 calories per day and usually I consume 1,600-1,700. (Hence why I'm concerned about the possible weight gain...)

The Gym

Saturday is a HUGE gym day for me, I'm usually there 2.5-3.5 hours, and that does not even include showering! I lift for about 1.5 hours, which is intermingled with some cardio on the track, and then I do at least 1.5 hours of cardio after lifting.

I was using the short block (stool) while using a leg resistance band, one end tied to my ankle and the other end tied to the block. I would use the leg that wasn't "tied" to step up on the block, lift my other knee up (the one tied) then kick my leg back, step down, and repeat ten times. I switch legs for a total of 30 reps on each leg. While doing these, an older woman comes up to me inbetween sets to inquire what areas on the body that exercise was working. It takes a lot of balance (which I'm slowly getting) and works the core, legs, and gluts. It also gets my heart rate up. She inquired about the color coding of the bands. Now here's the really cute part, she goes and gets her husband to show him what I was working on; he comes and watches a set. Three trainers (Scotty, Mike(?), and another) were training in the same area, so they probably got a kick out of this.

The exercise mentioned above is something my trainer had me do once, and well...I just couldn't do them during that session with him. A few weeks later, I tried them on my own and have put them into my training rotation. I am extremely happy that Matt's going to look over my training schedule that I'm going to plan for Christmas. As we keep talking about, this is a learning process for me and this is a big step for me.

Mike (I think that's his name) gave me a great compliment today, he said, "You're doing great." I know, I know, he's a trainer at the gym and he sees me float in and out all the time, but we don't chat like I do some of the other trainers, so I'll take this one! :)

Tip #3: Squeezing in extra cardio when all you want to do is go home...

There are two floors at my gym; the lower has the locker rooms, pool, sauna, hot tub, trainer meeting rooms, cycling room, and the upper has all the weights, cardio equipment, aerobic room, and functional training room. For the most part, I'm always upstairs (a few times I jump in the pool). The only bathrooms in the building are in the locker rooms, so any time I have to go, I have to head downstairs. For me, this is sometimes a trial because I walk pass my locker and it is SO tempting to just grab my stuff and go home. I occasionally have the same problem after lifting with Matt, so I came up with a trick: I leave something upstairs that requires me to go back upstairs no matter what. Since I have to go back up, I'm more than likely to leave my crap in the locker room and do more cardio. Tricking my mind helps every so often!

Five fashion tips for the gym...

I'm not one to judge usually, and I'm pretty forgiving for fashion flaws because I know I have them myself, but there have been a few things that I just have to get off my chest...

1. No matter how cool you are, you are not cool enough to wear shades at the gym. (Now I know some people wear prescription glasses and if they forget their regular glasses they wear their prescription sunglasses. This is fine, but I know this isn't the case for everybody who does this at the gym.)

2. Guys...please...pretty please...do not wear boxers that are longer than your gym shorts.

3. Girls...a sports bra does not need to be reinforced with a regular bra.

4. We're in Y2K7, do we still have to dress as if we're in the '80's?

5. You don't have to match everything you wear, including your ipod and sneakers.


Since I can dish, I will take it too... My fashion flaw at the gym? I occasionally bust out a t-shirt or two that have a few holes in them; although, a good majority of them have been replaced.

Saturday's Workout

I got too busy with laying out the blog for the big news tomorrow (or so I hope!) that I forgot to write about my workout on Saturday. Sorry!!! I try so hard to keep all the promises I make, even those I'm unwilling to make (e.g., giving up my margaritas)!

I have found that I get a better lifting workout when I don't do a bunch of cardio before it, so I did a 10 minute warm-up then hit the weights. It was a great weight training session, Matt would have been proud if he saw it. Something Matt has me do between sets is jog the track. I had my mind set that I was going to give three 0.2 mile jogs a shot, and guess what? I did it! I did them in 2:03, 1:56, and 2:04 time intervals. I then jogged a single at 0:53, got upset that it wasn't closer to the 0:49 mark, so I did another and got it to 0:47!!!! Eight laps, my all-time high for jogging! After the weight training session, I did at least an hour of cardio.

Great Trainer vs. Good Trainer

The difference between a great trainer and a good trainer is rather simple:

1. S/he can look into your eyes and say, "I don't have to do this, I want to do this." And you know s/he means it.
2. S/he has the desire to help you without conditions.
3. S/he knows your limits and pushes you just past them every single time.
4. And lastly, s/he does not use high pressure sales tactics for things you do not need to increase how much s/he earns on commission or for a promotion.

Today's Workout...

...was great! Finally, Matt broke out the boxing gloves for me and I got to punch my anger out. I've been having a lot of stress at work for a variety of reasons and this helped release it big time! There's supposed to be a new boxing class that's going to be offered at 24 Hour Fitness on Thursdays. I will watch the class this week and maybe join them the week after if I think I might be able to hack it. Woo-hoo!

I have also set my first big goal. When I lose 100 pounds, I will buy myself a new iPod. I can't wait!

Just some business items...

Here I am on July 28, 2007 in Virginia Beach, VA visiting my sister. Yeah, I know...I'm slightly burnt. I need to get better at the reapplying sunscreen bit, especially after being the water. As my sister puts it, I've lost it all in my boobs. Maybe this is true...maybe it's not.

My trainer hurt himself a couple weeks ago, so I've been trying really hard to be an easy client. After seeing how much discomfort he was in as he was going to walk with me at the gym, I told him not to worry about it and I'd just jog a lap. Of course he took me up on the offer. I jogged 5 laps (maybe 4...) last Monday, ended up getting shin splints in the left shin, and my right knee was slightly hurting. On Wednesday, he mentioned again that I may need to upgrade the shoes I was wearing, so I bought a pair yesterday. I'm going to try them out today at the gym.

The We Factor...

I read an article a couple months ago from a lady who lost a lot of weight. She said the best thing she ever did was get a trainer because when she didn't believe in herself her trainer did. I definitely have to agree with her on this one. There have been many times in which I have wanted to give up and probably would have if I didn't have those Monday appointments with my trainer. I have been to the gym for nine days straight - the most in a long, long time. I'll be there tomorrow as well, since I'm meeting with Matt again.

As I mentioned in a previous post, Matt has said what "we" will do...as a team. "We will walk...we will jog...we will run." Today, at the very end of my strenuous lower body workout, we jogged. Or should I say, I jogged, he walked fast. :) I have decided if he's going to give his everything to this team, then I must do so as well. I feel Matt has really understood me from day one when I told him I did not know how to push myself. I have never failed at anything because I have never challenged myself. Even with school, the one thing I was always good at, I took classes I knew I could do well in. Those classes that became too hard, I'd withdraw from before the grade would count. I need to not be afraid to challenge myself. Yes, it may hurt at first, but it will get easier.

My old trainer was highlighted on our gym's website recently. There is a section that they fill out called "favorite client success story." As cheesey as this may sound...I want to be Matt's. This has been one of my secret goals. Some day I hope to have these goals be for and about me, but right this moment I'm scared to take the blame if I fail.

Fear. I fear change. I know how the world views me now, and I have grown to accept those views. After all, that has been my reality since I was eight (will tell this story soon). I don't necessarily fear my body changing, but rather the world's perceptions of me. How will people view the new me? Will they still love and accept me? Will my soul, heart, and desires change with my body? All these questions, yet not many answers. The answers will only come with time and as I actually change.

Update: My 4 Mile Marathon

So I hit the gym today and did the four miles in 58:52! :) And that was not sprinting to the finish line either!

I also looked in two sports stores for weightlifting gloves that would actually fit my hands, and none of them really did the trick. Ick...the search will continue.

My 4 Mile Marathon

On Tuesday I was disappointed that I did not do 4 miles in 60:00 minutes on the elliptical, rather it was 60:12. I was determined that I was going to make it today. The last minute was a complete sprint to the finish line, but I got to the 4 mile marker at 59:55. I can only improve, right?

I have been to the gym every day since Monday. Tomorrow will be the challenge, I need to go before work because I'm going to happy hour after work. It's going to be an early, early, early morning! Cross your fingers that I make it! If I go for the full week, I'm going to schedule a hair appointment before I go visit my sister.

Funny Story #1

Yesterday I was working with my trainer and we were doing alternating front lunges. I am not a huge fan of them because...well...I'll be honest, I'm always sore the next day from them. Whenever I do anything balancing-related, Matt seems to get a little nervous because I don't have any balance. On my last lunge, my foot did not make it back to it's starting point and I fell on my butt nearly wiping out a runner on the track. :) As I joked around with Matt, there goes all that trust he earned! LOL :) Nah...I know he's still got my back.

Trust has always been an issue of mine because I always like to be in control. It reminds me of the activity we used to do in grade school, where you would fall back and wait for your friend to catch you. OR there was the blindfold game where you would be led by a friend or an acquaintance around the school and they would direct you if you were going to walk into something. Obviously I don't have everything under control because of how big I have gotten. Hmmm...something to think about further. Will post further about my "control" issues...

What I have learned...

...from my trainers.

Trainer 1 (Laura): Trainers are people too, and you shouldn't be afraid of them. They know what they are doing, and if you apply yourself, you will see results.

Trainer 2 (Scott): Scott was right. (Hopefully he'll never read this because he'll never let me live this one down.) Physically you can do anything you put your mind to. You have to be just as mentally tough as you are physically. One of my biggest challenges is to overcome my negative mindset. Yes...surprising...I can be pretty negative when I don't see the results I hope for as fast as I wish to see them.

Trainer 3 (Matt): Teamwork and trust. On one of our walking laps, he used one word that taught me teamwork and trust: WE. It was not just about me, it was about what WE could and would do. It was actually at this point I realized I lost my extended support system when I moved to Texas and that is what I am trying to rebuild at this point in my life. I have been so afraid to let people into my inner world that I have pushed so many potentially close friends away. This perception is changing...big time.