I read an article a couple months ago from a lady who lost a lot of weight. She said the best thing she ever did was get a trainer because when she didn't believe in herself her trainer did. I definitely have to agree with her on this one. There have been many times in which I have wanted to give up and probably would have if I didn't have those Monday appointments with my trainer. I have been to the gym for nine days straight - the most in a long, long time. I'll be there tomorrow as well, since I'm meeting with Matt again.
As I mentioned in a previous post, Matt has said what "we" will do...as a team. "We will walk...we will jog...we will run." Today, at the very end of my strenuous lower body workout, we jogged. Or should I say, I jogged, he walked fast. :) I have decided if he's going to give his everything to this team, then I must do so as well. I feel Matt has really understood me from day one when I told him I did not know how to push myself. I have never failed at anything because I have never challenged myself. Even with school, the one thing I was always good at, I took classes I knew I could do well in. Those classes that became too hard, I'd withdraw from before the grade would count. I need to not be afraid to challenge myself. Yes, it may hurt at first, but it will get easier.
My old trainer was highlighted on our gym's website recently. There is a section that they fill out called "favorite client success story." As cheesey as this may sound...I want to be Matt's. This has been one of my secret goals. Some day I hope to have these goals be for and about me, but right this moment I'm scared to take the blame if I fail.
Fear. I fear change. I know how the world views me now, and I have grown to accept those views. After all, that has been my reality since I was eight (will tell this story soon). I don't necessarily fear my body changing, but rather the world's perceptions of me. How will people view the new me? Will they still love and accept me? Will my soul, heart, and desires change with my body? All these questions, yet not many answers. The answers will only come with time and as I actually change.