I'm my worst enemy...

I'm my worst enemy. I'm self-defeating. I set myself up for failure. But I blame everyone else for my failure. I make any excuse I can to do/not do x, y, and z. I want things now, not later. If I don't get it now, I'm not patient enough to wait. I wear my heart of my sleeve. I get crushed emotionally and mentally all the time. I secretly despise beautiful people. Okay, maybe it's not so secret anymore. I can't take compliments because I feel I can always be better and do better. I will never be completely satisfied with myself. There are very few things I want out of life, and I'm afraid a few of them will never happen the older I get. I wish more people could look past my faults. Just maybe I don't deserve to be loved because I constantly disappoint them. I hate routine. But maybe that's what I need most. I'm not looking for pity...I'm just beating myself up right now. I wish I could re-live most of my life; I'd do a thousand things differently. I guess I shouldn't live in the past.