Today as I swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat and fought the tears, I couldn't help but think about the transitions that have been occurring in my life. I have always been a very independent woman, and I have always hated relying on other people because I had these high expectations. Slowly, these barriers have been broken since I moved to Austin, and I actually do not mind relying on the friends I have established. But today, after being severely disappointed by the one person I have always trusted and relied on, I realized that I didn't just rely on him, but I was nearly being co-dependent. Me? Co-dependent? What? This is truly uncharted territory for me.
I broke into tears this morning not because I was upset with him (technically I was...but let's look at the bigger picture), but because I feel like I've been trying so hard and I'm still stuck at this same dang weight. Trying and doing, though, are two separate things. "I tried my best" and "I did my best" are very different. Trying is almost like saying that you're ready to propel into action, but you haven't quite decided to actually do it. I have been trying to do a lot of things, but haven't quite done them to the best of my ability.
Where did I go wrong? Why can't I rely on myself and my decision-making skills anymore? How do I find that perfect medium of dependence and independence?