Sunday, August 05, 2007

Emotions

The past few days have been extremely rough for me physically, mentally, and emotionally.

First...I ate all the foods I really craved on Wednesday-Friday, which includes pizza, ice cream, cheese, chips, etc. My body did not like me at all for that. I had major acid reflux and heart burn Wednesday and Thursday night. I got up four or five times each night.

I skipped the gym on Thursday, and decided to go after happy hour on Friday (I didn't drink much). Something I ate didn't agree with me, so I only lasted 20 minutes on a bike and had to call it quits. I was having cold sweats, something I usually only get when I have a foodborne illness. I honestly thought I was going to puke. So spending that night at home, I got to thinking... All my comfort foods are now disagreeing with me physically. This made me sad. Things I used to find comfort in I can longer have.

Which brings me to my next point. I shouldn't be having to find "comfort" in food; I should be able to find comfort in and from my friends and family. So Saturday, I literally spent most of the day on the couch because I was sad. I was sad my stomach couldn't disgest the foods I like and I was feeling extremely alone in every aspect of my life. I made it a point on Saturday night to hang out with my one true friend in Austin, not that I don't like hanging out with all my other peeps, but I don't feel emotionally attached to them, and I'm not extremely comfortable calling them up to talk about these feelings.

The other big emotion I was feeling was not knowing who I really am anymore. Somewhere I lost myself, and it's usually at this point I'd be going camping with good friends to figure out where I went wrong. Well...since I'm feeling alone, I have not been able to see the good friends around me and it's super duper hot out. So I spent today by myself and dedicated the day to me. I cooked a great breakfast, went to a movie by myself, and hit the gym for 2.5-3 hours. I really needed to clear my head and get the garbage out. So am I back to normal? Not quite, but I hope to be soon.

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