All or Nothing

After much thinking last night, I have realized that I'm an "all or nothing" kind of girl in almost anything that I do.  If I'm not "all in," I'm definitely not "in" even at a "luke warm" rate.  If that makes any sense.  But I was going through same examples in my head, and I definitely see a pattern:

When I lost the most weight, I was all in.  When I gained the most weight back, it's because I didn't do anything to help me succeed.

I was all in when I trained for the half marathon.  Probably why it was devastating to me not to finish, and feel like a loser in the process.  

I am at my best when I'm "All In" with my faith as a Christian.  Life just seems easier. 

Relationships - those that I invest in, I'm all in.  It's why I have so few close friends; I won't be fake with you.  Those that I love, I will lie my life down for.

So when it comes to me...I'm all in.  I'm going to focus on me and my health; nobody else will.  I deserve it.  If it means counting calories the rest of my life, I have to be okay with doing so.  I have to lay down my pride and just admit that I just may never be able eat anything and everything like so many people can.  God has to have a plan in all of this.  He just has to.