After much thinking last night, I have realized that I'm an "all or nothing" kind of girl in almost anything that I do. If I'm not "all in," I'm definitely not "in" even at a "luke warm" rate. If that makes any sense. But I was going through same examples in my head, and I definitely see a pattern:
When I lost the most weight, I was all in. When I gained the most weight back, it's because I didn't do anything to help me succeed.
I was all in when I trained for the half marathon. Probably why it was devastating to me not to finish, and feel like a loser in the process.
I am at my best when I'm "All In" with my faith as a Christian. Life just seems easier.
Relationships - those that I invest in, I'm all in. It's why I have so few close friends; I won't be fake with you. Those that I love, I will lie my life down for.
So when it comes to me...I'm all in. I'm going to focus on me and my health; nobody else will. I deserve it. If it means counting calories the rest of my life, I have to be okay with doing so. I have to lay down my pride and just admit that I just may never be able eat anything and everything like so many people can. God has to have a plan in all of this. He just has to.