Sunday, September 14, 2014

Playing the Victim

After some considerable thought, I made a realization about why I keep procrastinating major life events. For both my dissertation and healthy living/losing weight, I think that deep down, I like playing the victim. I like the attention. It gives people a conversation starter with me. 

As soon as I determine not to be a victim anymore, the enemy always finds a way to attack. I just injured my calf/knee again after a day at bootcamp. Almost every three days, it either gives out or gets reaggravated. So I'm trying to work through it, but feel defeated.

I am slowly reintegrating myself into society. After talking with a friend, I realized that I place other people's burdens on me rather than giving it to God. Perhaps this will strengthen my relationship with God and I'll no longer choose to withdraw from the community that surrounds me. The fear of rejection is huge after a specific college experience I had. It's time to forgive and move on.

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