Peaceful Revelations

I have never felt more myself than I have in the past month.  I'm not sure exactly what has changed, but I feel alive again.  The anger that used to stir up at simple things is gone, and I am now grateful for the blessings that I have had this past year.  I no longer feel out of control, but yet perfectly disciplined within my chaos.  Dare I even say it, since it's been creeping into my life for the past nine months?  Obedience - this is the main reason why I feel peaceful.  I have given up control over my life and have started following the path that I'm being lead onto.  I'm no longer in a rush to get to the destination because I'm enjoying the journey.  Trials and obstacles will always be in the direct path, but as in James 1:2-3, trials will test my faith and will produce perseverance. 

As I continue on the journey to become healthy, I'm not stressed out about losing weight anymore.  I'm enjoying the mental release that exercise gives me and the cleaner I eat, the more energy I have.  I'm tracking my calories in and my calories out.  It's pretty simple.  The human mind creates the chaos.  I am not perfect, but I am perfectly human.  This was the first year I did not make a New Year's resolution.  I didn't need to resolve any issue that I've dealing with because it's not for me to fix; it's already being acted on from up above.  In the past 10 days, I have lost 6.25 pounds, and yet I feel like I haven't put in 100%.

Quiet contentment.  So that's what peace feels like.  I can't help but smile.  Or perhaps make a goofy face.

A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones.  (Proverbs 14:30)

6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  (Philippians 4:6-7)

Days like today are the most difficult...

I am holding a wedding invitation to two dear friends that I had met through my ex-boyfriend.  Reading their story online, especially about how he proposed to her, made me joyfully cry for her (and him).  A woman longs for that day from an early age, but when it doesn't come by a certain age, hope in finding the person you are going to spend the rest of your life with slowly dwindles and you have to face the realization that maybe you were meant to be alone your whole life.  While at times, I am okay with this thought, other times I beat myself up over it:  What are my character flaws that keep pushing men away?  Why do I seem so unapproachable?  Today is a day in which I am beating myself up over it.  I feel like I am pretty consistently "the girl who got away" (Video 1 below) with some of the guys I've dated because typically one does not know what they have until they lose it (Video 2 below).  Especially since men remember me and will pop in and out of my life whenever they feel like it, and typically it's around life changing events in their lives:  got the girlfriend pregnant, getting married, moving out of the state, etc.  So when will I date a guy who appreciates me and is not afraid to show it through action rather than just words?  When will I date a guy who is not intimidated by me?

The biggest question I deal with surrounds why did God put the desire of having a family in my heart, but yet He has not fulfilled it or may never fulfill it.  The only thing I can keep doing is living day after day with the hope that a man who complements me will someday walk side-by-side with me in which in some areas of life, he will lead and make me a better person and in other areas of life, I will lead and make him a better person.  But until then, I will continue this journey solo, and that saddens my heart because it gets lonely during the holiday season. 

To my Christian friends reading this, yes, I know God is always there and I should not feel this way, but sometimes He leaves you in the desert to wander and learn...only time will tell if that's where I am at.

I will never be a Republican...

I am quite disappointed in our state legislators.  Actually, I am quite infuriated.  As women, we need to stand up for ourselves and stop legislators who believe we're too stupid, as a gender, to make decisions for ourselves, for our bodies, and for our unborn children/fetuses (depending on your point of view).

Here are two examples, and from the SAME state legislator who happens to be a woman!

“'I am proud of the step we’ve taken to protect both babies and women. I think it speaks volumes about who we are as humanity,' Laubenberg said."  (Associated Press, July 10, 2013) 

"During a House debate on an appropriations bill that year [2007], Laubenberg, a staunch conservative, put forward an amendment that would require expectant mothers to wait three months before they could begin receiving prenatal and perinatal care under the Children's Health Insurance Program, or CHIP, a program that helps cover uninsured children in low-income families."  (Huffington Post, July 9, 2013)

Do you truly believe you are protecting women?  From what?  Their own decisions?  In 2007, you wanted to withhold healthcare since unborn children are "not children," but now you want to protect them as children.  The irony.  Do you know what would protect women even more so?  Expand Medicaid.  And seeing that women still make about 81 cents to every dollar a man makes (unadjusted), how about you fight for some gender equity in the workforce?  Those are two things that would improve women's lifestyles and improve the lives of their children.

The one thing I do believe is that this law is only going to pass to prove a shoddy Republican point as they run for the Whitehouse in a couple of years.  Perry is not running for governor, so I'm pretty sure he'd use this as leverage if he chooses to run for president again.  Newsflash.  Young people like me are still voting and I will do everything in my power to see the BEST candidate win whether he/she be Democrat, Republican, or Independent, but the way the Republicans have been acting these past five years...you can tell how I lean, especially as a public health worker.

Our legislators desperately need to learn how to work together, something they preach but don't do.  It's all about "being right" rather than digesting the information that they receive.  I think the two parties need a mediation session.  At least Texas isn't afraid of a fight.  North Carolina hid their abortion bill in a motorcycle safety bill; thankfully their governor will be vetoing the abortion legislation.  People scream at how our health care system needs to be changed, but I think our legislative arm of government needs a complete rework even more. 

So my final comments on this posting.  Personally, I could never go through with an abortion, but that does not mean I have the right to strip another woman of her rights to make choices because in the end, she's the one who is going to have to stand before God and be judged for her decisions.