I sometimes wish people could climb into my mind and see how it functions. I swear they would have a different perspective of who I am if they had that opportunity. From the exterior, I understand why most may assume I'm a pessimistic person, but that's only when I start verbalizing my reactions. Prior to this verbalization, I keep reminding myself of the positive aspects of whatever I'm facing, that "It can work" or "I am good enough for that job" or "It could be worse." I go through many iterations of this type of positive reinforcement before I truly start believing in the negative, especially if I feel like I keep getting the beat down on one particular issue.
Waiting for something to happen in my life has always been difficult because the negative thoughts keep creeping in. I typically keep my life busy at this point or God puts something else on my heart temporarily to get me through it. It is through this time that I can clear my head and figure out why the contradicting thoughts keep creeping in during God's waiting period. The negativity symbolizes something that I had to deal with (or not deal with) in my past in some shape or form. Other times, it can be just a confidence issue, which, if one really thinks about it, stems from the past as well. I always thought forgiveness was enough, but now I am learning that you need to let it go too. But are we meant to forget everything bad that has happened to us? How do we learn from the past if that is the case? Perhaps it's more about not letting our past stop us from moving forward.