Moving Forward

I sometimes wish people could climb into my mind and see how it functions.  I swear they would have a different perspective of who I am if they had that opportunity.  From the exterior, I understand why most may assume I'm a pessimistic person, but that's only when I start verbalizing my reactions.  Prior to this verbalization, I keep reminding myself of the positive aspects of whatever I'm facing, that "It can work" or "I am good enough for that job" or "It could be worse."  I go through many iterations of this type of positive reinforcement before I truly start believing in the negative, especially if I feel like I keep getting the beat down on one particular issue.

Waiting for something to happen in my life has always been difficult because the negative thoughts keep creeping in.  I typically keep my life busy at this point or God puts something else on my heart temporarily to get me through it.  It is through this time that I can clear my head and figure out why the contradicting thoughts keep creeping in during God's waiting period.  The negativity symbolizes something that I had to deal with (or not deal with) in my past in some shape or form.  Other times, it can be just a confidence issue, which, if one really thinks about it, stems from the past as well.  I always thought forgiveness was enough, but now I am learning that you need to let it go too.  But are we meant to forget everything bad that has happened to us?  How do we learn from the past if that is the case?  Perhaps it's more about not letting our past stop us from moving forward. 

Just Do It

Yes, it's a well known Nike slogan:  "Just Do It," but it's fitting in anything and everything we want to pursue.  Well, at least for the procrastinator it is, even when all signs are pointing in that direction.

Sign #1
At the end of last semester I was walking out of Kick Butt Coffee in the Triangle, and I saw a woman wearing at Team 413 t-shirt.  This peaked my interest because I grew up in area code 413, so eventually I Googled the slogan.  Team 413 is a ministry based on Phillipians 4:13 - "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."  The best way to describe the ministry is that it's a "running club" that speaks the truth of our Savior; through Him, all things are possible.  Do you believe in coincidences?  I sure don't.

Sign #2
My pastor is the best.  I'm probably going to make him blush if he ever reads this, but he recently blogged about something that hit home to me, "How to Avoid a Massive Failure."  I recently wrote about my failure to finish the Austin Half Marathon last year, and how it destroyed any and all ambition I had since I felt pretty prepared for it.  In his blog, and I won't give it all away, he has five tips:
1.  Know what you are getting into (I did, I ran a 10K after all.)
2.  Listen to wise counsel (I really should have sought this a bit more.)
3.  Start small and be OK with it (Wasn't a 10K small enough to start with?)
4.  Don't carry a bunch of excess baggage (Hmmm...how about some emotional and physical baggage in my case?)
5.  Know when to quit (But I think more importantly, know when to try again.)

As we all know, I'm back at square one, and I need to be okay with that.  I will be okay with that, as soon as I stop making excuses and procrastinating.  Tomorrow may never come.

Sign #3
My Joyce Meyer daily devotional today was John 14:23 (NIV):  Jesus replied, "Anyone who loves me will obey my teaching. My Father will love them, and we will come to them and make our home with them."  Joyce made some great remarks about this passage which I need to hold close to my heart:  

This simply starts with being obedient to His Word. A commitment to turn from behavior that offends God is the number one sign of spiritual maturity. It shows you care about what He thinks.

That means you choose to be generous toward others, you learn to forgive, let go of your offenses and live in peace. When we choose to be intentional with our words, giving thanks to God and lifting up others, we'll feel connected to God all throughout the day.  

Sign #4
A Facebook post about slaying my dragons before breakfast.  I need to re-focus my attention to things that God will approve and wants for me.  He wants me to be healthy and live a long fulfilling life, so what keeps getting in the way?

My Next Steps
1.  I need to devote more time to my Bible and to prayer.  With my new daily devotions sent to my inbox, this will help.  I need to please Him rather than myself.
2.  I need to exercise in the morning before work or school, no matter how tired I am.  Once I'm out of bed, I can function pretty well.
3.  I need to reach my target and read seven books (besides school books) this year.  This is easily obtainable if I hit the gym with my Kindle.
4.  I need to forgive and let go of those who have "trespassed" against me.  As much as I hate to admit it, God will forgive them if they ask for it, so I should too.  I'm beginning to think spiritual maturity is not going to be too easy.  I need peace.

Avoid Boredom Eating

How can you avoid boredom eating?  Here are a few thoughts and ideas that may be able to help.

1.  What do you like to do?  For me, I missed reading books, so if I pick up a book to read, I will not eat out of boredom.  Maybe someday I'll get an iPad, Kindle, or Nook.  The Kindle that has free 3G looks rather impressive (hint hint to those who love me)!!!  I'm blogging again too!
2.  Tackle that "to do" list.  Not only does it make you feel accomplished, but things actually get done!
3.  Get out of the house!  Try something new or go somewhere you have never been to.

Any other ideas?

The Optimal Workout

YahooSports had an interesting article posted today (Warm Up With Cardio, Then Go To Weights. Right? Wrong.) on what the optimal workout is. Go figure, my trainer is right (shhhh...don't tell him). You do a 10 minute warm-up, and 30 minutes of weight lifting followed by 30 minutes of cardio. When I was at my best, I was doing 30 minutes of warm-up followed by 60 minutes of weight lifting and 45 minutes of cardio. I just wish I had the time these days to do that again! Working full time and going to school full time has eaten up a lot of that! Give up sleep? Perhaps that is what I need to do. Any thoughts any juggling workouts, school, and work?

Oh yeah, the article does mention that if time is restrictive, go for the weights, but at my size, I definitely need to get that cardio in!

Indecision wastes time

I won't lie; I'm indecisive at times, but I was thinking about it quite a bit lately and it just wastes time. I'm going to make decisions and stick to it. I value my time. It's the one thing I ask people to respect. I work 40 hours at a minimum per week (if I'm traveling, more). I'm at the gym 2-3 hours per day. Commuting takes 1-2 hours per day; daily hygiene is about two hours per day. And I like to sleep at least six hours per night. I don't have a lot of extra time to waste in a given day.

Am I really happy?

I thought I had it all the past few months. I had a reliable relationship with a fantastic guy who lived 900ish miles from me. People in high places have been acknowledging my work. I have great friends and an active life - volunteering and being outdoorsy. Who really would want anything more? Why would I need to lose more weight when I was comfortable in my own skin?

Then, I did what I always did. I relied on other people for my happiness. I volunteer because I like to see people's joy in what I do...it makes me happy. My boyfriend DID make me happy, but then things took a turn for the worse, and that's when I felt my life was crumbling - I relied too much on him. I dived into my work further, just to get pleasure from people's compliments. I put too much of my happiness based on other people and not on myself. While I still exuded confidence superficially, deep down I was not confident in anything about me.

The more I worked out the past couple of weeks, the more I have felt confident in myself. I've taken a few day trips in the area by myself and have been finding comfort in my own skin. I still realize I don't know how to balance my love and happiness to help others with keeping my confidence in myself. Will I always go through these crazy cycles time and time again?

At the end of the day, I am with myself. I can only rely on myself. I need to stop focusing my attention on others and occasionally I can be stingy and demand others to focus their attention on me as well. I don't always have to be the giver.

Notes from my journal this weekend

Hurricane damage in Galveston, TX four months after Hurricane Ike hit. Yes, that is a boat crushing a truck in a store's parking lot. Within 0.5 miles on this road, there were four boats in different parking lots and many had been tagged either by angry residents or gangs.

September 13, 2008
My sister and I packed our bags and left Kauai for Oahu. In the back of my mind I knew Texas' coast was going to be battered by Hurricane Ike, but I didn't know how bad it would be. Galveston - demolished. Only one house standing for miles.


November 7, 2008
John and I drove to New Orleans for a mini-vacation since neither of us had gone before. On our drive out there, we still saw overturned boats in the bayou and houses falling halfway in three years after Hurricanes Katrina and Rita. New Orleans painted a different picture. The B&B we stayed at was in a dying neighborhood. Businesses vanished; the homeless and unwanted (there is a difference) were on the streets. I was haunted by the newspaper images of doors with orange spray painted numbers indicated the number of dead in the home. Homes where all walks of life had lived. A city that is still recovering.


December 13, 2008
John and I split. He told me that in the long run he would hold me back from my dreams, and in the end I would hate him for it. John believed it was in my best interest; I believe it was in his, so I wouldn't tie him down.

The loneliness has been unbearable at times. I gave him everything I had - emotionally, mentally, and physically. In my mind the two of us were no longer individuals, but rather a couple. In the end, he still rejected me. I wasn't good enough. I began to question who I am and what I am about. Who am I? What causes do I believe in? Do I truly believe in God? Why is it so hard for me to let go? Can two people form one union but still be unique in their identities? Why have I lost hope in the human race? Are people really that materialistic and conceited? Do I expect too much? Do I live too little? Will I ever be content and happy? Will I ever stop fearing? Why can't I just stop thinking and start doing? What keeps me from going all in?

My soul is unsettled, and I need to find peace with the decisions I have made this past year. From this day forward it is my quest to find myself in the rubble.


January 16, 2009
I drove with two strangers for five hours to Galveston. Excitement. Nerves. Anxiety. Ninety-five people from Austin, Dallas, Houston, and Mississippi united and got their hands dirty together. I am amazed at how generous and helpful people are in a time of need even when they are in need. Survivors of Hurricane Katrina, people who still need help rebuilding, have helped us rebuild from Hurricane Ike. It comforts me knowing that there are strangers who can give unconditionally and without expectation. While the number of selfish people in this world still outnumber the generous, my faith is slightly restored in humanity.


January 17, 2009
Jenny, her mom, and I got up early to walk on the beach and see how bad the damage is from the hurricane still. The one thing that affected me the most was the door frame that stood where a mobile home once did. While we took the opportunity for a photo op, it felt creepy to do so. Somebody's life was destroyed because of the hurricane.

We went back to the church for breakfast and prayer followed by going to our assigned houses. Before we left, this man in overalls and long hair drove up on a scooter, handed a Valentine's bear to Jenny and a school bear to Aletha, grinned, and left without saying a word. We ended up calling the episode "the teddy bear drive by." Later in the evening, a lady who has been serving with Mobile Loaves and Fishes said a guy looking exactly like our teddy bear driver went up to their trailer as they were handing out drinks and food, told them he didn't want anything (by answering all their questions with one word) and threw five dollars at them. This mystery man will always make us wonder what his intent and purpose was, but he put a smile on our faces with his random act of teddy bear kindness. He will be in my prayers.

When we got on-site, we were debriefed about the two houses. Both owners were disabled; one rented the house to her sister who nearly destroyed the place. The lady's mom was never supportive and she only made $200 per week while living in California, yet she is putting her niece through college. I was happy to see the owners contribute to the cleanup. In the morning, a neighbor offered drinks out of the generosity of her heart.

The lady across the street came by with a walking cane. She had stayed with her son for a few months and had to gut her downstairs. She was still recovering from the storm and was glad that we were helping her neighbors so that their living conditions could improve and they could move back.

The three of us from Austin Christian Fellowship (ACF) worked with a team of 18 from Long Beach, Mississippi. ACF has a long relationship with that community in Mississippi as we helped them rebuild after Hurricane Katrina. I have never worked with a greater group of people. And the kids who were working with us were so well-mannered, open, and generous. I hope someday that my kids are exactly like that.


January 18, 2009
Somehow hope still exists in this Galveston community. I think people bring hope to the city; we brought hope. The hope is not just that someday their city will be back to normal, but also that people care. Hurricanes destroy; people rebuild. I could never be able to, yet I keep destroying my life to constantly have to rebuild. I have the hope that I can rebuild my crushed heart and soul. This trip was the first step.

Admist the rubble, just a door stands from a mobile home.

My Fatal Flaw

I have a fatal flaw that makes me self destruct. It's a mental thing, and I think it re-occurred this past year. Would you like to know what my fatal flaw is? The one that I will have to continue to battle day after day?

My fatal flaw is the fear of failure. I quit before I can fail.

Why? It's easier, but it's not always better. I am not going to quit this fight.

Ben Harper - Fight Outta You

Values & Respect

Standing up for one's values, that's what it's all about. I stand by my beliefs, thoughts, and values and push back all the time at work. I'm not going to sacrifice who I am for somebody or something else, but this is only true for work. Some say that's the hardest area to stay true to your values, but I think it's different for everybody. I don't always stay true to myself in my day-to-day life; I sacrifice my values all the time without even realizing it. This is going to change; I'm going to work on this from this day forward.

How did I start thinking about this? My trainer and I had a conversation today that truly made me realize his commitment and dedication to the field - the field of changing lives. I don't want to go into great detail about it because it's not really my place to do so, but I respect him even more than I did before. He has humbled me beyond words (almost). Sometimes you just have to stand up in what you believe in, and I've forgotten what it's like to stand up for myself in the world around me. I have a voice and it needs to be heard.

Walking on a Tight Rope

Most tight rope walkers have a net below them just in case they fall; I'm not sure if mine has one installed yet or not. I have been tip-toeing along this line for too many months, and I think I have gained my balance again, finally. Just because I didn't plunge to my death at any point these past five or six months, it doesn't mean I didn't get hurt along the way.

So where am I going with this post? I have no idea. I'm just going to let my thoughts and feelings flow at this time and let them be.

I met an incredible guy this past week and we went out on Friday for sushi. He didn't want to flake out on me, so he drove up from San Antonio for a two hour dinner just to turn around and go back to San Antonio, talk about sweet. This guy, I have always felt since we met, is way out of my league: funny, sweet, gentle, genuine, kind, open, and completely gorgeous (he was a model and had acting parts on TV shows). He is the epitome of what I desire in a guy, but I doubt I am what he's looking for...physically anyway. This is the second guy in six months in which I have wow-ed by my personality, but they cannot help but see the fat me; it just hurts, especially since I've lost so much weight already. I just want to find a guy who is willing to transform with me. What even hurts more is that I'm still friends with the first guy, and who knows if I'll be friends with this second one. I guess friends is better than nothing, right?

It hurts so much that I almost gave up on humanity, and in doing so, I almost gave up on myself. Saturday, I nearly skipped out on the gym and re-entered my old destructive behavior patterns of binge eating. If I'm not going to be liked now, why bother doing what I've been doing? So yes, I probably did eat a little more than expected, but overall, I stayed on my tight rope. I feel like I can say I broke away from my emotional eating habits this weekend. Yes, I was hurt (and who knows, maybe he will call), but I didn't turn to food in the process. Talk about a Non-Scale Victory.

Anyway, you'll be seeing more of me in the upcoming days and weeks. I'm beginning to re-focus my energy on me and I'm going to start making the guys do a little work to get to know me. I'm worth more than what guys have been giving me, much more.

Busy weekend...

I had a really busy weekend, but had so much fun!!!

I had a potluck dinner with a few good friends on Friday night. My friends just built their house, so they have a number of projects they are still working on. I asked them if they need any help, or would like any, and they accepted. They mentioned that they may let me work with the jackhammer. Super exciting if I can! I like big machines!










On Saturday night, I went with my two Michigan buds to my first Round Rock Express game. The Round Rock Express is the Triple A club for the Houston Astros. Even though the Express lost, it was a great game and a lot of fun. Our section actually won a prize! We're going to plan another outing on a Friday night and take over a whole section. Oh yeah, for those who don't follow sports, this is baseball! :) Yee-haw!

The Oasis is known for its sunsets; and yes, the picture to the right is just one view of Lake Travis from the Oasis. This restaurant and bar is a must-see (in the top 10) if you ever come to Austin. I've always wanted to take a salsa dance lesson, but have never had a partner to go with, and Juston didn't know about this sweet spot, so we decided to go to the Oasis for Sunday evening. I can't wait to go salsa dancing again!

I did learn one big thing from this weekend; I'm a pretty good leader, not a great follower (especially in dancing). Sometimes, just sometimes, I should be a better follower than leader. Hmmmmm...

Challenges...

I tend to meet challenges from friends head on, as if I have to prove to them I can do it. I'm not sure why I always felt like I needed to prove myself, but I have.

My trainer, has on occasion, "challenged" me to a few different things. About a month ago, I won $5 for completing my last set of jumps, and last week...well, I won a sort of different challenge.

Matt has this habit of making me do something so much, I end up hating it. Something I hated one month can be easily replaced with something else. For the longest time, I hated shoulder presses because he made me do them ALL the time. I would groan and moan every time he made me do them. Well, a few months ago, this was replaced with girl pushups, we started out small, three sets of 10, then three sets of 12, three sets of 15, and then last week three sets of 16. I was PMSing pretty bad last Wednesday and put up a stink about doing them, so he made me a challenge: If I could do one real pushup, I wouldn't have to do three sets of 16 girl pushups. I quickly made the deal. I got down on the ground and did a single pushup. He said a deal was a deal, and we walked the track and did my second favorite thing in the world (sarcasm): shoulder presses. We got back to the mat, and Matt says, "A deal is a deal, you won't be doing three sets of 16 of girl pushups, I want three sets of 10 of the real thing." My mouth dropped, and I slipped under my breath, "Jerk!" He kept his end of the deal, now I had to keep mine. I didn't get three sets of 10 of real pushups in (muscles fatigued), but it was a start. Next time I won't open my big mouth, OR...only accept a challenge after I really think about the aftermath. :)

How to Keep Going When You Feel Like Stopping

Last week I got extremely frustrated at the gym. On Tuesday, I was frustrated because no matter what I did, I couldn't get my heart rate to stay in its target zone. I used to be able to go hard for a few minutes, then go "lighter" and keep my heart rate up. Now, it drops quickly, so that I constantly have to "push hard." Then, on Wednesday, Matt and I had a small spat...we were both frustrated with one another. Him because we're not seeing results, me...well everything else. I felt like he wasn't listening.

I received the following article in my inbox on April 3rd, and it helped.

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Hitting That Big Old Wall: How to Keep Going When You Feel Like Stopping
By: Julie Isphording, Olympic Marathoner (Found on SparkPeople)

Just about everyone has heard of the "Wall," as in "hitting the wall." And lots of us - in running and in life - have run straight into it. Head on.

A wall is the point in a race (or in life) where you're used up. You're officially done. You feel as if you are draining away into a little puddle on the ground. Your legs don't respond to the word "go." You vow never to do this again.

Although I hope you never have a wall get between you and a goal, here are some tricks I've learned from running that can help you get over your own wall when it's in the way:

Keep going regardless
Promise yourself that, no matter what, you will press on, even if you are walking, crawling, or puttering. In the Boston Marathon in 1993, I was running so slowly to the finish that I felt like I was actually going backwards. Stay on your feet. Eyes straight ahead. Move.

Don't think
Just go. Do not dwell on how overwhelmingly awful you feel. Focus on the cheering crowds, your friends and family waiting at the finish, the cool water, the trees... anything.

Try bribery
Tell yourself, "Self, when I get done with this, I'm going to buy you a new car, a new house, whatever you want."

Word-watch
Watch the negative words and thoughts. Think instead about all the successes you have had. How about all those hills you conquered? All those long workouts you endured? You are a great person. Relish those thoughts.

Negotiate with yourself
Give yourself permission to simply go to the next water stop, or to the next milestone, or even just the end of the day. Keep repeating that strategy until you see the finish line. Just one more mile before you say one more mile! (Exactly what I did on Wednesday!)

If it was easy, everyone could do it. You are the one who will make it. And don't forget the finish line pose!

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So what do you do when you hit a wall in your workout?

Setting Her Free

Setting Her Free is a blog I try to read regularly about a wonderful woman's journey to becoming healthy. I never thought I would be able to relate to Heather because she is absolutely beautiful, but I have been thinking about what "setting her free" really means.

Although I still weight 290 pounds, still obese by all means, I have been extremely happy, it's like the endorphins have kicked into overdrive. Even when I have an extremely bad day (have had plenty these days at work), after I take it out at the gym, it's like a burden is lifted off my back. My confidence is higher than ever and I'm getting bolder by the day. I truly feel my new lifestyle has set me free, and that is part of my happiness.

And when you're happy, people notice and people talk to you because they want to know you. They want to know your secrets.

This isn't just a physical journey, it is also a mental and emotional one.

Life Happens And We Have To Deal

It's the second day that I have not been to the gym in a row. Yesterday I didn't go because of sore (possibly "torn") quad muscles, and today...well...there really isn't a good excuse for today. Could I make one up? Like being sick? OR...better yet...one of the guys that I'm getting to know? C'mon...I need to convince myself that ONE of these excuses works because we all know I'm not to blame, correct? I'm only trying to fool myself, and I think all of us do at some point or another:

I'm not that fat...
I'm big boned...
I don't need to exercise/move every day...
This one muffin isn't going to hurt (maybe the one won't, but the fifth will)...
One glass of wine won't hurt...

All these negatives and/or lies...self-defeating as somebody put it. I need to get back onto plan and do it now. Tomorrow's a new day.

Lactose Intolerance

Any frequent reader of my blog knows that I'm dealing with some major bloating and water retention these days. I have talked to three trainers from the gym, and got these viewpoints (some of which a few of you pointed out).

Trainer #1: Matt (my trainer)
My monthly is coming up, and I'm usually bloated the week prior. We'll start worrying about it after my period. (Sorry to any guy readers...too much information for y'all.)

Trainer #2: Brian (Matt's boss)
Salt intake was slightly higher the week prior due to being sick. I was eating a lot of canned soup. High sodium diets makes most people retain water.
He also inquired if my water consumption was low, and for the most part, it hasn't been. I've been drinking about a gallon per day. Water should flush the toxins out.

Trainer #3: Stephanie (a master trainer)
She also inquired about my water consumption. We also discussed sodium intake and my monthly cycle (I know Matt hates talking about it).
She mentioned that when she drinks milk she gets bloated because she's lactose intolerant. It was interesting that she mentioned this because that is something I increased since the new year - drinking milk to get my calcium (see goals).


What is lactose intolerance?
Lactose intolerance is an inability to digest and absorb lactose (the sugar in milk) that results in gastrointestinal symptoms when milk is drunk or products containing milk are drunk or eaten. (MedicineNet.com)

The problem underlying lactose intolerance is a lack of lactase - an enzyme produced by the lining of your small intestine. Lactase breaks down lactose so that it can be absorbed into your bloodstream. A deficiency of lactase leads to problems in breaking down and absorbing milk sugar (MayoClinic.com)


What are the symptoms of lactose intolerance?
1. Diarrhea
2. Nausea
3. Abdominal cramps
4. Bloating
5. Gas (both types)


Do you have to completely stay away from milk and milk products?
Not necessarily. Most people who are lactose intolerant can tolerate small or even moderate amounts of lactose. It often takes only elimination of the major milk-containing products to obtain sufficient relief from their symptoms. (MedicineNet.com)


Seeing that I am experiencing cramps, bloating, and gas after drinking milk, I'm wondering if my stomach cannot tolerate milk. I will have to wait until my monthly is over to start experimenting to see if I may be lactose intolerant to some milk/milk products. I'll keep everybody posted!

Resources used:
Wrong Diagnosis
Medline Plus
Mayo Clinic
MedicineNet

My Decision About Boston

Everything happens according to God's plan; my life to-date is a pretty good example of that. After undergrad I wanted to go to Michigan for grad school, but I went to New York instead. After grad school, I wanted to move to Houston for a job, but was given an opportunity in Michigan. Couple years later, God gave me this job in Austin (not Houston, but still Texas). Each one of these journeys has taught me a life lesson. Michigan taught me how to forgive from the heart, and moving to Texas was a test of my faith. (One example was having a new year-long apartment lease in Michigan as I decided to move to Texas. How in the world was I going to pay two leases? God provides a way...always.) I thought God gave me Texas to teach me faithfulness and obedience, but after I reflected for over a week, I don't think those were the life lessons he wanted me to learn from Texas.

During my time of reflection, there was one verse that I kept going back to: "A man's wisdom gives him patience..." (Proverbs 19:11) At first I thought this was telling me to be patient and God will speak to me in time about the decision I needed to make, but it was really telling me that I need to be patient in
every aspect of my life (to name a few, love, weight loss, close friendships, etc). I honestly believe this is the life lesson Texas is supposed to teach me: patience. Maybe it won't be the only life lesson, but it's a start.

Although I would love to move to Boston to be near my best friend, go to Boston University for my doctorate, be recognized as an expert by experts in my field, and start my consulting business, I desire for what I already have here, and I believe it is according to God's plan. Financial growth can be replaced (or supplemented), personal growth cannot.

Wednesday Weigh-In (on Thursday)

I waited until today to post my "Wednesday Weigh-In" because Matt and I were doing measurements this morning. So here are all my statistics!

Weight Statistics
Starting Weight (1/1/05): 366.00
Weight Started with Matt (5/14/07): 342.00
Current Weight (12/20/07): 297.50
Weight Loss To Date: 68.50 lbs
% Body Weight Loss: 18.7%

Weekly Weight Loss: 2.25 lbs


Measurement Statistics
Starting Total Inches (10/26/06): 258.25
Total Inches Started with Matt (5/14/07): 247.50
Current Total Inches (12/20/07): 224.25
Total Inches Lost To Date: 34.00 lbs

Monthly Total Inches Lost: 2.75 inches


The FANTASTIC
I am happy.
People are being inspired.
Based on 24 Hour Fitness measurements, I have lost just over 80lbs of fat and gained almost 53lbs of muscle (since I started training in July 2006).
I forced myself to go to the gym on Tuesday, even though I fought it soooo hard. I wanted to continue my streak (haven't missed a day in over a month!).

The Good
I realize I let my guard down when I drink and tend to have binging episodes.
My shins are currently not bothering me.
I'm learning (and Matt's quizzing me).
I created a "plan" for holiday gym time when I visit friends and family. Matt reviewed my weight training schedule.

The Bad
Pizza. I love it, but my hips don't.
Relied on "convenience" food (ie, processed) rather than fresh food.
I'm avoiding the stair monster (rotating stairs).
I need to increase my variety for cardio.
I'm still comparing my weight loss to those on the Biggest Loser (they lost 80+ lbs in 7 months, me: 44.5 lbs).
I still don't have all my Christmas shopping done (hmmm, maybe this should be filed under "ugly."
Because I wore higher high heels than I'm used at the festivities on Saturday night, my calves were torn up through Monday (meaning, I didn't have *the* best workout with Matt on Monday).

The Ugly
I still don't have all my Christmas shopping done (Yep! Fits better here.)
Drank way too much at the 24 Hour Fitness Christmas Party. Since I like being honest with y'all, I had (I think) 4 Vodka and Diet Cokes, 4 Vodka and Red Bulls, and a Jager Bomb. While I haven't done something like this since probably graduate school, no excuses.

Wednesday Weigh-In

Starting Weight (1/1/05): 366.00
Weight Started with Matt (5/14/07): 342.00
Current Weight (12/12/07): 299.75
Weight Loss To Date: 66.25 lbs
% Body Weight Loss: 18.1%

Weekly Weight Loss: 2.25 lbs


The FANTASTIC
I hit my first milestone goal. AND I did it ten days ahead of schedule.
I am officially under 300lbs and haven't been here in many years.
I am proud of myself for the first time. (Please see this post.)
I ran three consecutive laps (0.3 mile) with Matt at the gym in 3:03 (a first).
I went to the gym every day.
I had to bump up my resistance levels on most of the machines I use.

The Good
I didn't have seconds during Thursday's potluck dinner.
I ate pretty well during Monday's potluck dinner.
I'm getting better control of trigger foods that I would binge on.
I got new sneakers. :)

The Bad
I attended three potlucks.
I had cake (a small slice of two different kindse) on Thursday.
I was nibbly while baking on Sunday.
I had Mexican food last Wednesday (tamales and salsa/chips).

The Ugly
Today's potluck. While I don't think what I ate was all that bad for me, I ate WAY too much. I'm still full and my body does not know what to do with the excess food. Mental note: Never, never, never fill my plate again, no matter how good it was. Stop overeating with my eyes.

Tip #3: Squeezing in extra cardio when all you want to do is go home...

There are two floors at my gym; the lower has the locker rooms, pool, sauna, hot tub, trainer meeting rooms, cycling room, and the upper has all the weights, cardio equipment, aerobic room, and functional training room. For the most part, I'm always upstairs (a few times I jump in the pool). The only bathrooms in the building are in the locker rooms, so any time I have to go, I have to head downstairs. For me, this is sometimes a trial because I walk pass my locker and it is SO tempting to just grab my stuff and go home. I occasionally have the same problem after lifting with Matt, so I came up with a trick: I leave something upstairs that requires me to go back upstairs no matter what. Since I have to go back up, I'm more than likely to leave my crap in the locker room and do more cardio. Tricking my mind helps every so often!