Fat Goggles

Just like people wear beer goggles when they drink, I have fat goggles when I look at myself. For those who don't know what I mean by "beer goggles," here's a quick summary of what it is: When people drink, they lower their standards in hopes to get a hook up with somebody of the opposite sex. The more they drink and the later it gets, the ugly girls/guys begin to look "pretty." To put it simple, drinking warps your vision and judgement.

When it comes to looking at myself in a mirror, if I'm fully clothed, I don't always see myself as fat. It was only through a picture over the holidays a few years ago that I realized how fat I was. I was sitting next to my dad, with my cousins and aunt to the left of me. I couldn't believe how big I was!!! This is why I'm so focused on taking pictures during my weight loss because I can see the differences, as slow as they are. To this day, when I look in a mirror, I don't always see myself as obese. I can only attribute this to Fat Goggles. (If I find that photo, I'll scan it in to post.)

I do feel vain, though. I look at myself in the mirror all time. Sometimes I don't recognize myself. Sometimes I'm disgusted with myself. But lately, I have been pretty hopeful, even though the weight is coming off unevenly.

I have to want it...

I'm not sure why I had this revelation today, but I realized that in order for me to really lose weight, I have to want to do it. Most of you probably think, "Why wouldn't she want to lose weight and be healthy?"

To be honest, it's just easier not to lose weight. I constantly have to think about what I'm eating, what I'm doing for exercise, etc. I fear changing. I fear failing. I fear that people's perceptions of me will change. I fear that I will not only be confident, but I'll be cocky as well. I fear a lot of things when it comes to weight loss.

For the past couple of months I have been studying 1 John 4 to address my issue with fears:

(16)And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. (17)In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgement, because in this world we are like him. (18)There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. (19)We love because he first loved us.

A few points I have taken from this passage. God provides us unconditional perfect love. All Christians must love (and accept love from) others as God loves us. It is only then, I will not fear.

Is losing weight punishment because I fear it? Actually, I think it is punishment for my previous sins. Every pound I lose is some sort of emotional baggage that I am getting rid of. In the end, I believe I will be a better person and a better Christian when I finish losing the weight that I need to.

Diet Blog

The most recent post on the Diet Blog is excellent (The Beck Diet Solution: How to Think Like a Thin Person), it gave me a lot to think about. The following points are areas that I will be working on:

1. How to motivate myself
2. Plan in advance and self-monitor behavior (I think I got this covered!)
3. Overcome sabotaging thoughts
4. Tolerate hunger and craving

The next few days I will be writing on #1, #3, and #4.