Childhood Story #1 & #2

Growing up fat is hard, and I would never wish it on any child or anybody's child. A few weeks ago I read an article on stigma that is associated with being a fat kid.

Overweight children are stigmatized by their peers as early as age 3 and even face bias from their parents and teachers, giving them a quality of life comparable to people with cancer, a new analysis concludes. (Article)

I cannot help but agree with the fact that stigmatization does occur quite frequently. For me, it was from my peers and "teachers" so to speak.

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Childhood Story #1:

I just entered 3rd grade at the age of 8 and was in a new school without knowing really anybody in the school. Within the first month, a male child (whom I will not mention by name but I do remember who) came up to me in the hall and asked me, "How much do you weigh?" I replied, "I'm not telling you." He said something along the lines, "I will start calling you names if you don't tell me. You have by the end of the week to tell me."

I chose not to tell him because I felt no matter what I did, he would still call me all the names in the book anyway.


Childhood Story #2:

Before entering 3rd grade, my sister and I went to private school. I don't know if she ever noticed the difference, but I did notice the way I was treated between private school and public school. In private school, if any sort of bullying or name-calling ever happened, it was always handled. Granted I was a tattle-tale half the time and told the teachers what was happening on the playground, but things always worked out in the end.

When I started public school in 3rd grade, I was being teased a decent amount one day within the first few months of school, so I approached one of the recess monitors and she told me, "Life's not fair, get over it and go play."

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I know I have always been a sensitive child and adult. My sensitivity is slowly going away and my skin's getting thicker, but I have always stood by the Golden Rule: Treat others as you want to be treated. I just wish people would think more before they spoke sometimes because people will occasionally have good intentions, but when it comes out in words, it doesn't come off correctly...

I know I'm fat...

...why do people feel the need to keep reminding me? It is one thing if it's from friends, family, and health care professionals, but strangers are overstepping their boundaries when they do it. Just my opinion.

Emotions

The past few days have been extremely rough for me physically, mentally, and emotionally.

First...I ate all the foods I really craved on Wednesday-Friday, which includes pizza, ice cream, cheese, chips, etc. My body did not like me at all for that. I had major acid reflux and heart burn Wednesday and Thursday night. I got up four or five times each night.

I skipped the gym on Thursday, and decided to go after happy hour on Friday (I didn't drink much). Something I ate didn't agree with me, so I only lasted 20 minutes on a bike and had to call it quits. I was having cold sweats, something I usually only get when I have a foodborne illness. I honestly thought I was going to puke. So spending that night at home, I got to thinking... All my comfort foods are now disagreeing with me physically. This made me sad. Things I used to find comfort in I can longer have.

Which brings me to my next point. I shouldn't be having to find "comfort" in food; I should be able to find comfort in and from my friends and family. So Saturday, I literally spent most of the day on the couch because I was sad. I was sad my stomach couldn't disgest the foods I like and I was feeling extremely alone in every aspect of my life. I made it a point on Saturday night to hang out with my one true friend in Austin, not that I don't like hanging out with all my other peeps, but I don't feel emotionally attached to them, and I'm not extremely comfortable calling them up to talk about these feelings.

The other big emotion I was feeling was not knowing who I really am anymore. Somewhere I lost myself, and it's usually at this point I'd be going camping with good friends to figure out where I went wrong. Well...since I'm feeling alone, I have not been able to see the good friends around me and it's super duper hot out. So I spent today by myself and dedicated the day to me. I cooked a great breakfast, went to a movie by myself, and hit the gym for 2.5-3 hours. I really needed to clear my head and get the garbage out. So am I back to normal? Not quite, but I hope to be soon.